Buster!

Walk 3, Run 4

2012-01-31T11:22:00.000-05:00

I am planning on running in the Crazylegs Race in Madison, Wisconsin.

I have many times tried to run, but to no avail. What makes this time different?

Yoga.

I think about all the things I tell my yoga students: "Feel all four corners of your feet making contact with the mat,""Move slowly, like you're moving underwater,""One posture at a time."

How can I make this apply to my running? In other words, how can I practice what I preach?

First of all, I needed the appropriate gear. I am training in Vibram Five-Finger running shoes which look like gloves for the feet. Very garish. Very effective. I used to have tremendous knee and hip pain because of my heel strike. These shoes are training me to run on the middle of my foot. I erred at first by running on the balls of my feet, which I quickly found out makes my calves impossible.

So, to take my own advice:

1. "Feel all four corners of your feet making contact." Yesterday while I was running my four intervals of four minutes each I concentrated on making sure all four corners of my feet made contact with the treadmill. And in order to do this effectively, I had to...

2. "Move slowly, like you're moving underwater." I had been walking at 3.7 and running at 5.7. "Slow down," my sister the marathon runner suggested. "Try to aim for 5.3 at the most." And you know what? It worked. I wasn't gasping for air. I was able to move in a meditative state and focus on my body and breath.

3. "One step at a time." I can only run one step at a time. If I get into my head that I have a five mile race to run in April, I will psyche myself out. All I can do is walk my three minutes, run my four minutes this week and slowly add on from there...one step at a time.

Yoga...and food

2011-11-08T11:44:00.000-05:00

I have not taken a yoga class since I finished my 30 Day Challenge over a month ago.

I still teach 14 classes a week and work over 60 hours at the studio, so it's not that I've eschewed yoga...quite the opposite!

Sometimes while teaching, I try to slip in some practice. I'll do the postures along with the students to "demonstrate," but really it's so I can get a little stretching of my own.

It's not the same.

What I am getting a lot of is good, lovingly prepared food.

I met my beau four months ago when I was a vegan, and this weekend I found myself making pork dumplings alongside him.

How things do change!

Let's hope that the increase in food and the decrease in yoga do not make for an unbalanced Natalie.

30 Day Challenge-Cultivate Your Power

2011-09-21T07:16:00.000-04:00

One of my clients described me as "powerful" the other day. She was finding words to describe each teacher at Dragonfly, and my word was "powerful."

What does Powerful mean, exactly?

I have been feeling a bit more powerful during this 30 Day Challenge. Not only in my body, but in my mind and spirit. As Heather said in class yesterday, power doesn't have to mean overcoming someone else physically. It can mean inner strength, the power of conviction, the power found in knowing that you have all the tools you need to reach your goals.

I like being described as "powerful" because it transcends any physical connotation. I urge my students to find their personal power, their inner strength. And by taking this 30 day challenge, I am also finding my personal power and inner strength.

Of course, Powerful can also mean knowing your limits and honoring your body where it is today. Because I am the only Fire teacher and one of two Yin teachers, most of the classes I am taking in this 30 Day Challenge are Flow classes, which I love but are starting to make my wrists angry.

Even though I want to go full out and execute every posture to the Nth degree, I need to honor my wrists and not push through the pain. Power is also knowing when to say when.

Two Weeks In

2011-09-19T12:24:00.002-04:00

I'm not quite over the hump yet, but I am seeing and feeling the effects of doing yoga every day.

One of our clients stated to me this morning, "I can't imagine now being a nurse who doesn't do yoga."

Yes, that hour or hour and a half you spend in our hot room sweating and twisting is a great tummy tucker, thigh tightener, weight loss helper.

But more profound are the effects "off the mat," if you will. Meeting stressful situations head on with a full breath and a clear mind. The ability to start from a more centered, peaceful state instead of a reactionary one.

The positive attributes from doing yoga on a daily basis don't always translate as numbers dropping on a scale. In fact, my scale seems determined to keep creeping skyward. However, the strength I feel, the calmness I feel, the self love I am cultivating is a profound benefit.

And I'll take that over a low number on the scale any day.

Class Number Ten-Happy to be Here

2011-09-17T09:08:00.000-04:00

Why did I sign up for this challenge? I have to teach three classes today back to back, and I'm coming to the 8 AM Flow class with Jonathan??? Am I nuts??????

But I needed that gold sticker, so I made my way to the studio an hour earlier than I needed to be there to sweat and twist and sweat some more.

Child's Pose was a pain...but Jonathan didn't hold us there for that long (I think I heard angels singing). He immediately went into a series of Sun Salutations and before I knew it, I was happy once again.

See, Jonathan is tricky. All he has to do is smile his impish grin, blast his incredible music, and what started out as a grueling "have to" task turned into a cheerful, powerful class.

There's also something about taking classes from people who are quickly becoming your friends. "My goal today is to make Natalie laugh," he declared. And laugh I did. I also flipped my dog into wheel and found myself up in tripod headstand without a second thought.

We are a community here at Dragonfly. We are a family. I was sweating and twisting next to members who I am usually instructing to sweat and twist. We all know each other. We all support each other. And as we were putting our stickers up on the wall, we were all congratulating each other on getting that much closer to our goal of 30 classes in 30 days.

Boy, am I happy to be here.

Class Number Nine-Grow Your Roots, You Will Rise

2011-09-16T08:13:00.000-04:00

I take yoga class to sweat, to tone my body, sure. But I also have noticed that through continual yoga practice over the years, my mind is becoming more in shape as well.

Ruthie's classes lately have become amazing self realization hours. It seems as if she always says something in class that directly corresponds with what I'm feeling at that precise moment and exactly what I need to hear.

She spoke about the native prairie plant whose roots grow as long, if not longer than their growth above ground. She was speaking in relation to our balancing poses; growing our own roots so we could then rise and grow.

But of course, this idea can be taken off the mat as well. It reminded me of Chapter Four, verse 41 and 42 of the Bhagavad Gita:

"Those established in the Self have renounced selfish attachments to their actions and cut through doubts with spiritual wisdom. They act in freedom. Arjuna, cut through this doubt in your own heart with the sword of spiritual wisdom. Arise; take up the path of yoga!"

I have moved around a lot. I have shifted when things have become uncomfortable. I have left when I might have stayed. I will now grow my roots in my heart, in my community, in my relationships. I will rise.

Class Number Eight-Candles and Chakras

2011-09-15T08:17:00.002-04:00

My days are gloriously long at the studio.

I found myself yesterday smiling for no reason. I really love my life. I get to work at a sun-dappled studio, bathed in a warm orange glow all day, surrounded by people who are quickly becoming like family to me.

I got it good.

Wednesday night Chakra Flow is my little reward in the middle of a heavy work week. I look so forward to attending this class (and not just because Hally brings chocolates!). The class has been full the past three weeks. The studio looks heavenly in its candle-lit glow. Hally's voice is melodious and calming. And even though at this hour, the poses are strenuous for me (okay, at times excruciating), I am propelled by the energy of my fellow kula mates as we all sweat and bask in the warmth of the studio together.

And I always learn something interesting! This week we concentrated on the third chakra, the solar plexus. Hally wove in some mythology concerning one of my favorite poses, garudasana, Eagle Pose. Garuda is the Hindu king of birds who helps to transport the deity Vishnu to help devour demons and keep humanity safe. His name literally means "devourer" because he is associated with the all-consuming fire of the sun's rays.

The third chakra is associated with heat and fire, and when we get into this pose, spreading our wings wide to start, we can imagine that we are the eagle soaring high, next to the sun. It's so much more fun to visualize this than to just twist your arms like wet ropes, squeeze your thighs and try your best to squat in this position.

I love how Hally mixes in mythology, asanas, and chanting in her class without any hint of dogmatism or religious overtones. She creates a safe, warm place in which to practice and to explore areas beyond just sweat and exercise. And the chocolate ain't bad either!

Class Number Seven-Fall Detox

2011-09-13T16:01:00.000-04:00

I lay in bed thinking to myself...I don't want to go, I don't want to go. I've heard she's a tough teacher. I don't want to go. I kept trying to convince myself that I didn't feel well. But then reality hit. Since I didn't take a class yesterday, I'd have two to make up to keep on track with the 30 Day Challenge.

Boy, that did it.

I plopped my mat next to Amber's...my support network and yet another reason I got myself out of bed this morning. Heather, the instructor, cheerfully explained that since we were doing a Fall Detox, we would be doing a lot of twisting in class today. Oh great, I thought. My ovaries will love this.

And oddly enough, they did!

Heather's class was like being back in teacher training. This girl has so much information at her fingertips. I learned so much about proper alignment, breath control. Although the class was challenging, what, with all the twisting, I didn't feel it was "hard." I felt that she pushed us, but also gave us permission to go at our own pace.

I felt congested and irritable when I arrived to class. And afterwards, I felt wrung out and detoxified. Such a great feeling to carry with me the rest of the day!

Class Number Six-Set Your Intention

2011-09-12T08:40:00.002-04:00

One of the more challenging things I am encountering doing this 30 day challenge at the studio where I work is knowing where my limits are.

Sometimes my Type A personality kicks in as I'm taking class alongside other teachers or clients. "This is how it's done." But that doesn't serve anyone and just makes me exhausted.

So during Hally's Flow class this weekend I set the intention for myself: "I am allowed to take a break."

And I did. When we went into prayer twist, I only went halfway. I lowered my knees in some of the chaturangas. I used props for my most challenging pose: child's pose,

and sometimes opted for puppy pose instead.

Sometimes the greatest challenge is knowing your limits and giving yourself a break when you need it instead of pushing past the pain or exhaustion.

When I teach, I'm constantly urging my students to "go for it." But I'm really impressed when they listen to their own bodies and take a break when they need it.

Maybe we can all take this insight off our mats and into our daily lives; giving ourselves permission to take a time out when things get really tough. It's okay.

Ten years later...

2011-09-11T08:13:00.000-04:00

I woke up excited for rehearsal. I jumped in the shower with The Today Show on in the background. I was subletting my friend's apartment in Jersey City (across the Hudson River from Manhattan) during my rehearsal time and I had just had a lovely weekend snapping photos of lower Manhattan. The view of the Twin Towers was breathtaking from this vantage point.

As I came back into the living room, I saw that something serious was going on. It was almost 9:00 AM. The news was saying that a small plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. That's funny, I thought, someone had just hang glided into the Statue of Liberty last weekend. What was up with people these days? I'd better hurry and get to the train now...I'm sure mass transit will be a little messed up as a result of this accident, and I don't want to be late for rehearsal.

I took the PATH train into midtown, got off at the 33rd Street stop and rushed over to the subway to make my connection to Times Square and waited. This is odd, I thought. Where is everyone? I made my way to street level and immediately found myself caught up in a mass of confused people half running north to Times Square. Not knowing what was going on, I trotted along with the crowd. By the time I got to Times Square my questions were answered. I watched from large screens the falling of the first tower. It was a little after 10:00 AM.

I glanced around at the people in the crowd. Some of them were covered in chalk-like dust. People were bewildered; crying, gazing up at the large Times Square screens slack jawed. I overhead on a transistor radio at a nearby street marketer's stand that terrorists had flown planes into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and who knows what was next. I edged my way through the crowd to the rehearsal hall and hurried up to the fourth floor where I knew a pay phone was. "Can I help you?" the audition monitor politely inquired. "I have to use the phone," I blubbered.

My mother answered on the first ring, sobbing. Her friends had been calling her all morning, "Is Natalie okay...is Natalie in New York?" She kept telling everyone they had to hang up, she needed to keep the line clear in case I was trying to get through. I told her I was all right, I was at rehearsal. As far as I knew, I was safe.

But then reality started hitting. I stupidly mused, I bet a lot of people were killed in those towers. I'd better clear out my bank account and stock up on non perishables. My friend lived right around the corner from the rehearsal hall and so she and I headed to the grocery (the line was out the door), stocked up on ingredients for a lot of spaghetti, and bottles of alcohol.

I found myself quoting Brick from Tennessee Williams' Cat on a Hot Tin Roof: I just want to drink until I hear the click; "The click I get in my head when I've had enough of this stuff to make me peaceful…." But even that didn't block out my fear or my panic. When I was able to check my voice service there were several messages from my tender hearted sister: "Sissy, please, please, please call me to let me know you're okay," in between sobs. Keep drinking. Must hear the click.

For the next few days, I felt like a prisoner. On the morning of September 12th, the streets were vacant. Times Square was bare except for some wise guy who propositioned me. Wow, that still happens even in the middle of war, I thought to myself somewhat amusedly. I got back to the apartment in Jersey City and was treated to hours upon hours of news coverage of the event. I couldn't escape. Bomb threats were springing up around the city. First the Empire State Building, then Times Square. All of them moot, but the panic was palpable.

One week prior, my sister had come for a visit and we went to the World Trade Center. We bought tickets at the TKTS booth for the musical, "Chicago." We sat outside in the shade of the twin towers and watched a jazz band entertain the lunch time crowd. The weather was so beautiful. They were handing out Bloomberg transistor radios, an odd piece of memorabilia that I will never get rid of. One of Maggie's and my favorite memories was of a man dancing to the jazz band with the t-shirt, "Rich bachelor looking for a love." These are the memories I want to hold on to of the World Trade Center, not the New York Times' photos of people jumping from the burning buildings.

One of my first temp jobs as a fresh faced out of towner was on one of the top floors of the south tower of the World Trade Center: Keefe, Bruyette and Woods. They were among the first hit on September 11. Employees from this law firm were on the news all week searching for their co-workers, to find out who had made it out alive. I was only there for a week but I remember how welcoming and kind everyone was to me, a recently transplanted Wisconsinite in the city of dreams. I wonder who did make it out alive.

Two weeks later I was on a bus to begin my tour of Footloose, the musical. My friends who stayed behind in New York lamented on how the city was really hit hard. Broadway shows were closing, auditions were few and far between. The general spirit of the city was depressive. But New Yorkers are a resilient bunch. I found a true sense of community with my fellow Manhattanites after this date. We smiled at each other on the street. I was wearing a Beatles t-shirt one day and a fire man thanked me for brightening his day, he did so love the Beatles.

Even though I no longer live in New York City, I still feel an intense connection to the people there, especially on anniversaries of September 11. My heart will always be a part of that city.

Class Number Five-Be Comfortable with the Discomfort

2011-09-10T09:18:00.000-04:00

Oof...I hurt.

My muscles are sore. My eyelids are heavy. My bones ache.

I came into Jonathan's 8 AM class on Friday feeling a little sleepy and not at all ready to be twisted, turned, and wrung out.

The sun was shining brightly into the studio; so brightly that we turned our mats a different direction...and wow!!! What a difference it made.

I haven't sweat this much since my time at the Bronx Bikram Studio. And it felt heavenly. As soon as my sweat broke, I felt cool, loose, easy, and comfortable.

However, Jonathan still made me bring it. He talked a bit about not running away from fear and being comfortable with the discomfort. This he said while we were in chair twist. Oof.

Many chaturangas and abdominal abominations later, my body did indeed feel sore, but I was alert, awake, and alive. I did not run away from the discomfort. I embraced it breathed through it.

Yee-haw, Class Number Five!

Class Number Four-We are there waiting for ourselves

2011-09-09T12:17:00.000-04:00

Day Four of my 30 day challenge. Not only do I get a nifty gold sticker behind my name after completion but I also get that beautiful sense of euphoria to carry me through the rest of my day.

Thursdays have been emotional release days for me lately. Ruthie's classes, in particular. There is something about that woman and her heart opening asanas that give me permission to let go, release, and feel.

She mentioned some of her Baron Baptiste training, in which the instructors are asked to stand at the front of the class and just be. It's appropriately called the "Be With". During this time, they are not to move, speak, fidget, or do anything else except for breathe and be with themselves.

As you can imagine, this makes people go bonkers. Ruthie mentioned that people throw up, cry, panic, run from the room. It made me think of the Fire classes I teach when I ask the students to stand still in between postures and look into their own eyes. That is the last thing anyone wants to do. It can be overwhelming. It can be panic-inducing. People tell me that when they look into their own eyes to "be with" themselves, all they see are their flaws.

This is why we all need yoga. Yoga happens on the inside. It is not about perfection or outer beauty. It is about strength, endurance, union between body and spirit. It is looking into your own eyes and being with the beauty within your own soul.

Thank you, Ruthie, for reminding me of that beautiful fact.

Class Number Three-Warrior Princess!

2011-09-08T08:25:00.000-04:00

One of my new favorite class at Dragonfly Hot Yoga has quickly become Chakra Flow class on Wednesday nights with Hally. Last night, from 9:30-10:30, the studio became a candlelit goddess lair.

Oh, sure, there were men there, too. But focusing on our second chakra (AKA the sexy chakra) allowed the fair women of Dragonfly Hot Yoga to let out their inner Aphrodite.

I love a yoga class where we don't just focus on the body. I like a little history thrown in, a little mythology. Some bedtime stories, if you will. I love it when I can learn something other than just how my body feels at 9:30 at night. Now of course, one must remember that Yoga is non-dogmatic and non-religious. But it does have its roots in India and arrived around the same time as Hinduism. So naturally, some of the myths and inspirations are shared between both schools.

Hally talked about the second chakra; the center of fluidity, creativity, passion, procreation. She talked about the mythology surrounding certain poses such as Warrior One: the hero Virabhadra honorably avenges the death of Lord Shiva's bride Sati. You can read in depth by clicking here.

This seems nicer (don't you think?):

And she spoke about the mythology surrounding Half Moon Pose, Ardha Chandrasana. Lord Ganesha, having been made fun of by the moon for falling out of balance, got angry and threw one of his tusks into the moon, extinguishing it. You can imagine that people were upset by this, and so Ganesha relented and allowed the moon to glow fully only once every 28 days. The rest of the time, she would be in a half moon state. You can read in depth by clicking here.

After leading us through a lovely class, Hally announced that because the second chakra is associated with the taste sensation, especially the sweet tooth, she had a bowl of chocolates awaiting us at the front desk.

What a yummy class!

Class Number Two (on Day Number One)

2011-09-07T08:40:00.001-04:00

"Do you want to jump in there and take class?", Megan, the owner at Dragonfly Hot Yoga asked me. Without even thinking about it, I eagerly grabbed a mat and headed in for class number two with Amber Thompson Yoga Extraordinaire.

Maybe this wasn't a wise idea due to the fact that I had to teach three classes yesterday, I had already taken a class, and I had biked to work, meaning I had to bike home.

But there is something about Amber's classes that really bring out the best in me. Yes, there were moments when I couldn't hold positions for the suggested length of time. I found myself coming out of Pigeon pose early (one of the postures I am ambivalent about).

And crescent lunge going into warrior three and back again was nice and challenging.

But listening to Amber's inspiring words, her raw energy, and her sense of humor kept everything in my mind calm. And once again I found myself doing things I never thought I could do...

Like flipping my dog in the first five minutes of class. Yee-haw!

And guess what? After biking home last night, I slept like the dead. That is what it is all about, ladies and gentlemen!

And it begins again...day one of the 30 day challenge

2011-09-06T11:11:00.000-04:00

Autumn is a season of change. The leaves are changing, the weather is changing. My life has changed dramatically in the past several months since I moved back to Wisconsin...I dare say all for the better.

What better time than now to begin a 30 day hot yoga challenge?

The Dragonfly Flow classes offered at my current studio, Dragonfly Hot Yoga are quite amazing. The teachers are uplifting, inspiring, and have also become good friends of mine. Yoga class is not so much a fitness regime as a social hour of sorts. So getting to class each day for the next 30 days will not be the challenge.

The challenge will be getting in one class a day in between my duties as a studio manager and in between teaching three classes a day. A worthy challenge, yes, but I know I can do it.

I starting teasing our clients about this challenge on Friday, September 2 and immediately, several fierce yoginis wanted to begin that day. By doing several classes a day over the Labor Day weekend, a few of them are a week into the challenge already! Rock stars.

I know I will have encouragement, I know I will have inspiration. I know I will have strength and stamina. And I know that my world will change once again immensely...I dare say for the better.

Broadway Flow!

2011-08-22T09:15:00.000-04:00

At Dragonfly Hot Yoga I teach the Fire and Yin classes.

On occasion I am called upon to teach a Flow class, which can be a bit of a challenge to me. My training is in Integrative Yoga Therapy and while yes, I did learn the postures of a standard Flow class, I didn't exactly learn the Flow part, per se.

After doing fairly well subbing for a few of our Flow teachers here, I decided to amp it up a bit, with a suggestion by our owner Megan, to create a Broadway Flow class.

Calling in my past experience as a singer/dancer in Broadway tours and productions around the world, I have put together a play list of show tunes, complete with a Rockette-style ab work-out.

I have asked students to sing along even if we don't know the words. We have all found out that it's much easier to get through a tough work out if you sing out and give yourself jazz hands and a round of applause at the end.

When is the next Broadway-themed Flow class? I'll keep you posted. Until then, keep it easy like Easy Street...

Bird of Paradise

2011-08-10T08:37:00.000-04:00

Sometimes all you need is a good yoga class.

And sometimes within that yoga class, all you need is a really empowering pose to lift your spirits.

My new favorite pose is Bird of Paradise, a pose I just recently learned and am making headway on.

The lovely Amber said in class yesterday (I'm paraphrasing), sometimes overcoming fear is just learning to be still, silent, and trusting yourself, listening to your own body.

I love that when my mind is racing, I always have my yoga mat to come back to. I can still my mind and focus on the class, one posture at a time.

Life as a Yoga Teacher

2011-08-04T05:56:00.000-04:00

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Now, some would question the wisdom of my career choices; actress, journalist, travel writer, yoga teacher.

Ummm...don't you want to make some actual money someday?

But what good is money if you don't enjoy what you do? I'll raise you...if you don't LOVE what you do.

How I've been lucky is that I get to do what I love and get paid for it. I've always tried to set myself that way and for the most part I've been successful.

Sure I can't afford to eat at high end restaurants, go on lavish shopping sprees, or live a life of spa-like luxury. I am a worker bee and I work damn hard, but I love every second of it.

My current adventures have taken me back to my home town of Madison, Wisconsin to work at the luminous new hot yoga studio, Dragonfly Hot Yoga. I have students who love me. I love my students. I get strength and encouragement from watching my students' growth and I have daily chances to express myself creatively.

What's money worth when you have this kind of daily injection of joy?

In Case You Haven't Heard...

2011-04-23T21:52:00.001-04:00

I'm moving again.

"Didn't she just move? Last I heard, she was living in NYC...then Texas...and now she's moving again?"

I take off for the great white north (and by white, I mean snow...yes, snow is still falling in the month of April while we enjoy 95 degree heat in San Antonio) in three days.

Here's the deal. Two months after I moved to San Antonio, TX, I got a call from a friend from college who wanted to open a new hot yoga studio in Madison, WI and wanted to hire me as head teacher/studio manager. When could I get there?

I'm used to picking up and leaving at a moment's notice. Countless cruise ship contracts, tours, and summer stock gigs have required me to do just that for the past 15 years. I thought I was leaving that all behind when I took a break from the acting business.

Not so. The travel bug is still biting away, and I find myself once again on the road...happily so.
Click here to check out the Dragonfly Hot Yoga webpage!

Meatball the Destroyer

2011-02-25T10:08:00.000-05:00

I have a dog. His name is Meatball. And he is a destroyer of things.

Luckily he hasn't gotten to any furniture, but he did make good work of his bed.

And he blinded my monkey slippers!

But how could I ever get mad at a face like this?

Two-thirds of the way there!

2011-02-17T10:35:00.000-05:00

I never thought my life's path would bring me to becoming a yoga teacher, nor did I think it would bring me back home to Wisconsin. But as I write this, I am 2/3 of the way complete with my yoga therapy teacher training, a week of training away from becoming an 200RYT. I get initials behind my name!

This past week of training seemed to focus mainly on anatomy and philosophy. We had our exam on Friday, and unless I made some silly mistakes, I believe I aced it. It reminded me of when I became a certified SCUBA diver. My friend Tara and I were hell bent on getting 100 percent correct on our test...I guess we were both in that pitta phase of our lives (I'm sure we still are). I don't know if I did that well on this exam, but I sure felt good after taking it.

Now the fun part begins. We are learning how to lead a class. We got a few opportunities during the week to lead our fellow yoginis through several postures, just to get our feet wet. I actually felt quite comfortable in front of the room...I guess my theatrical background can really pay off in this aspect of training. Our assignment is to create a sequence that lasts approximately 75 minutes long, and be prepared to teach a portion of it to the class. I've been practicing with Meatball, the dog who loves running underneath me during Downward Facing Dog. I'm not sure he's the best pupil, but he sure gives me a few belly laughs...and really, isn't that what life is all about?

Nadis and Prana and Chakras...oh my!

2011-01-19T22:20:00.000-05:00

When I decided to become a yoga teacher I only knew about yoga from taking classes at the gym, doing some Rodney Yee videos and attending Bikram Yoga classes.

I thought I'd be memorizing postures and then using my theatrical background to guide students through them in a fun and entertaining manner.

Instead, I'm learning the fundamentals of the Sanskrit language, how to chant effectively, how to clear my nadis to allow my prana to circulate unblocked or to concentrate the prana through bandha. Ack! I'm making my own head spin.

Of course we're also learning the fundamentals of asanas (postures) and breaking them down into a method that allows us to teach them safely, but most of the time I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Imagine it. Here I am, erstwhile Bikram disciple completely immersed in the science, physiology and culture of yoga in all its glory.

And I could have been here, at the "overheated, oversexed cult of Bikram" (according to Details Magazine):

Click here to read the story

I wouldn't have it any other way. Here I get the 200 hour immersion...completely and exhaustively. I'm loving every minute of it.

Sundara Yoga Training...first day of class

2011-01-17T21:13:00.000-05:00

I had no idea what to expect. During the hour and a half commute to the northwest side of Austin, I contemplated what was in store for me once I reached teacher training at Sundara Yoga Therapy. Would I be doing asanas all day long? Chanting? Meditating? Book work?

Once I arrived I immediately fell in love with the place despite the fact that I got lost on the way there. The studio was warm and inviting. I was offered some delicious tea right away and the other seven trainees were friendly and open. We all set up our mats and were greeted by Genevieve, the owner of the studio who was battling severe sleep deprivation having just returned from a trip to India but nonetheless welcoming and incredibly intelligent.

We began with a lecture on ayurveda, or the "science of life". We took a diagnostic quiz and I found that I was more "vata" than anything else. There are three "doshas" or personality types: vata, pitta, and kapha. Vata is associated with air and ether, pitta with fire and water, kapha with earth and water. I always thought I was more of a pitta, but ever since I became a vegan and gave up drinking, I guess I have a lot more clarity (one of the positive attributes of vata) but also a bit of spaciness (one of the negative attributes). It also could be that I'm in a constant state of flux, having moved around quite a bit in the past few months. We learned about ways to balance all three personalities in our body (in as non-Sybil of a way as possible) through diet and activity to live a balanced life. We'll also be using this information as diagnostic tools to help create hatha yoga classes.

We then moved on to a Yoga 101 lecture of sorts. "Astanga" is sanskrit for the eight limbs of yoga: asana (postures), pranayama (breath), pratyahara (conscious withdrawal from the senses), dharana (concentration), dhyana (meditation), samadhi (unity with all), and yamas and niyamas (dos and dont's of life...kind of like the ten commandments). It all makes perfect sense once you get past all of the translation of sanskrit terms, but I'm sure pretty soon they'll be flowing off my tongue.

We ended class with a session of "yoga nidra", a form of guided meditation. We laid on our mats as Genevieve talked us through a relaxation exercise and I felt a real sense of peace. Apparently this form of mediation is used on a lot of patients with PTSD and allows them to let go of their stress in a safe environment without having to revisit the stressful situation.

Once it was time to drive home, my head was spinning with all of this new information. As a yoga teacher, I won't necessarily be using all of this language in class, but it's important to me to have an understanding and respect for where yoga came from, what its roots are, instead of just memorizing a bunch of postures and then telling my students to do them. This way I learn the whys not just the whats. It should be a wonderful couple of weeks.

Yoga to the People

2011-01-07T13:58:00.000-05:00

I owe a lot to Bikram and his form of yoga. And I'll be forever grateful.

Bikram's yoga gave me a challenge to undertake when my off-Broadway show closed, I was living alone in NYC and I was starting my new chapter of my life as a clean living lady.

I love the hot room. I love sweating until I can't see when I'm bent over in standing head to knee posture.

But fate has taken me away from following his dogma.

I begin yoga therapy teacher training in about ten days and thusly, I have been trying to experience as many different forms of yoga as possible. What I love about what I read about the program is that there is no dogma to follow. It is about using the tools of yoga to implement in everyday life. Sounds like a perfect mantra to begin a new studio in Madison, don't you think?

I still take Bikram classes here and there because I love what they do for me. I've even read his book and agree with a lot of what he has to say. But I can't afford to follow his path of teacher training. I hold Bikram yoga teachers in the highest regard because they go through a lot to get their certification. I guess I won't be joining that gang...yet. I'll be following a different path of enlightenment, maybe we'll all meet up in Nirvana at the end.

A New Kind of Namaste

2011-01-03T17:58:00.000-05:00

One of the things that I can count on the most in my life is how things never happen the way I thought they would...and usually, that's been for the best. It's kind of going back to that whole "beyond your wildest dreams" lifestyle that I have come to claim as my own.

2010 was a perfect example of that, and now it looks that 2011 is shaping up to promise that same thing...even just three days into the year.

I had moved to Texas to live with my sister, check out the Austin acting scene and be happy doing Bikram yoga. Then I got a call from a good friend from college who wanted me to help her open a new yoga studio in Madison, my old stomping grounds.

I had thought I would get Bikram yoga certified and then we could open a hot yoga studio with me as head teacher.

Well, that's kind of happening.

Instead, I'm attending an intensive 200 hour teacher training in Austin which begins in two weeks so I can get 200RYT certification. And then two days after I graduate from the program, I'm heading back up to the land of cheese and cheeseheads.

Who could have guessed this?

By the way, we already have a webpage for our studio: Dragonfly Hot Yoga. Check it out and become a fan!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dragonfly-Hot-Yoga/138328492891716

Namaste Everyone!

My 2010 Top Ten list

2010-12-28T11:41:00.000-05:00

This year has been such an unforeseen adventure. I was born in the Year of the Tiger, and I knew that this year would bring a lot of good change and exciting upheavals. Last year at this time I had no clue what was to come. Never would I have guessed that I'd be moving to Texas, buying a car, owning a dog and thinking of moving back to Wisconsin.

I love those top ten lists you see this time of year. So it's only fitting that I copy such esteemed publications as the New York Times and San Antonio Express News with a top ten list of news stories in my own life during the year 2010. Here we go!

1. Said goodbye to little old New York and for the most part, the acting profession I've been a part of for the past 15 years.
I wanted to get out before I had any regrets or jaded feelings about New York. I love New York. I love acting. But it was time to be done. I missed being around my family, I didn't enjoy living alone in the loneliest city in the world. I needed to reboot, regroup and forge a new path. So I moved to San Antonio into a house that my sister bought to reassess my life. I tried a few auditions in Austin just to do them, but they brought me nothing but mileage on my car.

2. Bikram Yoga 60 day challenge and my new desire to become a hot yoga instructor.
After Sessions, my off-Broadway show closed in January 2010, I wanted to get involved in something immediately so I wouldn't sit around my house mourning the closing of my show. My friend Alexis, a Rockette had introduced me to the world of Bikram's hot yoga and after getting sober and focused, it became a passion of mine. I embarked on the 60 day challenge at a new studio just blocks away from my apartment in the Bronx. I kept a daily blog of my progress and I immediately felt at home with the people in this fabulous little studio. It ignited the fire inside me to pass this wonderful form of yoga on to everyone I knew and so, I am now on the path to become a hot yoga instructor...in whatever way I can be.

3. Bought a car.
After living in New York City on and off for 12 years and living overseas with nothing but tour buses and taxis to take me around, the thought of driving again was daunting. I was so nervous during my test drives, but I finally settled on the newest model of a car I had once owned ten years ago: a Chrysler Seabring ruby red convertible. And although I still get petrified trying to park in my garage or merging onto I-35, I'm happy to have this beautiful car to cruise around in San Antonio, especially on warm December days with the top down.

4. Vegan lifestyle and continued sobriety.
I haven't been so good lately about the vegan part, but after reading a few books on the subject and watching Food, Inc., I decided to become a vegan as much as I could. Living in San Antonio now with a mother who's an amazing cook makes it a bit more difficult, but I've tweaked it so that I eat meat only on special occasions and whenever I buy groceries, it's only vegan items. I also have been off the sauce for 15 months and in addition to losing about eight pounds, I'm a much more calm, reasonable human being, and I'd like to think, less selfish.

5. Meatball the Dog
Before I decided to move to San Antonio, I had seriously entertained the idea of getting a dog to keep me company in New York. My sister had owned a very mean English bulldog and had to get rid of him, so when we moved in together, we both decided to rescue a French/English bulldog mix named Meatball. He's a goofy sweetheart, only 18 months old, and so wonderful to be around. He loves to have his belly rubbed and he does a funny little dance when he's excited that looks like he's pumping the air. I love him.

6. Blogging, Online Publications and the Lost Girls
After Sessions closed, I was doing a lot of blogging about my 60 day challenge and got quite a following. That allowed me to delve more into the world of online communication and social media and I launched a new blog called "Buster's Travels" where I would talk about various trips I had taken in the past. I also started interning with The Lost Girls and even got featured as their Lost Girl of the Week. I thought I would start a career as a travel blogger, but after several online publications which brought great pride but no money, I thought this would be a fun hobby, but not a worthwhile new career.

7. National Pastime
The fine folks at Algonquin Productions finally cast me as a lead in their production of National Pastime, after seeing me as an understudy extraordinaire for three years. I played the role of Karen, who is a tough talking lawyer from Chicago who comes home to Iowa to help out her father's radio station. My romantic interest in the play was played by Robert Newman of TV's Guiding Light. We performed at the Major League Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY. The musical has since gone non-equity, but it was a fun experience and I was very grateful for the opportunity.

8. Checking In Prom
My dear friend Brian is not only a swell guy, but he is an amazing playwright and actor. After a wildly successful New York premier of his play Checking In last summer, he has begun the process of bringing the story of six high school friends reuniting in Atlantic City to the big screen. In May, he held a fundraiser with a prom theme in New York City and fun was held by all. It certainly was the party of the year for this girl and I even got to resurrect my old prom dress!

9. Jury Duty
After successfully avoiding my civic duty during my nomadic life thus far, the great city of New York called upon me to serve on a jury of my peers in July. Instead of fighting it, I decided to make the most of my experience. I enjoyed fine dining in Chinatown, learned about the judicial system and even flirted with good looking fellow jurors. And then the case was settled out of court. God bless America.

10. Voiceover classes, Background work
After Sessions closed in January, I wanted to try my hand at some alternative forms of acting. One of my dearest friends in the cast was making his living as a voiceover actor and I took a few classes to see if I would be any good at it. I didn't quite take to it, as I was dreaming more of doing books on tape and my class focused primarily on commercials. It was too expensive of an endeavor to continue finding the right fit. Then this summer, I was able to break into the background actor's world for a few days. What a crazy world. Shoots would begin at 4:45 a.m. one day and then end at 1 a.m. the next day. I found I could never do this kind of lifestyle, although there are those that do. Just two days on set wiped me out for a week.

I would be remiss if I left out some of the trips I took this year. I was able to attend my cousin Eldon's wedding celebration in New Orleans in March,

South Padre Island with my family in May

and Sun Prairie, WI in September to take part in a fundraiser for the new high school auditorium and drama department.

All of these trips allowed me to spend time with loved ones that I don't usually see. I'm truly thankful for such a strong support network of family and friends that I have going for me. 2010 has certainly been quite the year.

Goodness! I'm the Lost Girl of the Week!

2010-11-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

I've been a little lax on the writing front lately. I've been spending a lot of my time driving to and from Austin auditioning. What a wonderful surprise I got this morning when I logged on to the Lost Girls website and saw that I was featured as the Lost Girl of the Week!

Click here to read the story

If you don't know already, I have started a new blog site devoted entirely to my travels. I have been blogging there about my travels. Recently, I have started a "Flashback Friday" feature where I flash back to a memorable trip from my past. I have highlighted London, Taiwan, Williamsburg, Virginia and the Bahamas thus far.

Click here to read my new blog, Buster's Travels

Something Familiar

2010-10-17T16:53:00.000-04:00

The only way to learn a new city is to get lost in it. I firmly believe this credo, and I am proving it right every time I get into my car.

Uptown and downtown, east side and west side have been replaced by inside the loop, outside the loop. The number 1 train and the Metro North railroad have been replaced by 281, 410, and 1604. People have tried to explain the infrastructure to me over and over again, but to no avail. I'm sure it makes perfect sense to people who are used to driving.

The city of San Antonio is set up like a wagon wheel, with 1604 being the outer rim and 410 being the inner rim. Very simple. The other roads are like spokes in that wheel shooting to the downtown area.

It all sounds good in theory. But driving it is something completely different, especially for someone like me who hasn't been behind the wheel of a vehicle, really, for about eight years.

So I needed something familiar today. A place where I knew what was going on, after two weeks of feeling like absolutely everything was foreign.

And so I went back to Bikram and man, did it feel good.

Training Wheels

2010-10-13T21:51:00.000-04:00

Moving to San Antonio has been harder than I thought it would be.

Oh, the moving part went smoothly enough. I have an amazingly supportive family who not only helped me schlep all my stuff from the Bronx to their garage, where they stored it for a month's time, but were excited about my move and got me excited about this new chapter in my life.

Finding a house was pretty easy, too. My family had done all of the leg work, so when I arrived, all that was left was the closing. Not too shabby. Didn't even break a sweat.

I'm living with my sister, and since she is the staid, dependable one, she took care of picking out all the appliances and setting up all the utilities and services. Everything is in her name, and all I have to do is write her a check at the beginning of each month.

I have a smokin' ruby red convertible to tool around town in. I have a membership at the local gym where there are a plethora of classes offering everything from my newest love, Zumba to power hatha yoga. I work out of my home, so there's no problem with finding a job.

But here's the problem: the things that most people take for granted like driving a car, shopping for groceries with a cart, and disarming a home alarm system are rattling my nerves. I'm relearning how to feel relaxed in this setting, where I almost have a panic attack trying to park my car in the garage.

When living in NYC, I felt like every day was a full on assault on my senses. Tackling the subway, walking down the streets of Manhattan, I was constantly confronted with all walks of life. I couldn't keep to myself. Loud sirens, car alarms, the rattling of the subway cars rattled my nerves sure enough, but they were also comforting and familiar.

I'm sure I'll find that familiarity soon in my life here in San Antonio.

Auditioning for high power producers? No problem. Taking the subway at 3 a.m. for an all day background shoot? Big deal. Finding the DMV in San Antonio? Almost had a nervous breakdown.

So I feel like I have training wheels on during this transition into my new chapter of life. Soon, all of this will be as easy as riding a bike. But for now, I'm really trying to find my balance.

Green With Envy

2010-10-06T09:49:00.000-04:00

I can't help it.

I have been diligently following the blogs, tweets and updates from my fellow Bikram yogis in teacher training in San Diego. And here's the kicker, I haven't been to a Bikram class for about a month now, opting for the power hatha yoga classes provided at my new gym in San Antonio.

See, originally I was supposed to join these ladies, two of whom I feel I know quite well, even though I've never met them in person. Ahh, such is the life of an online blogger. First there's Heather, whose amazingly detailed depictions of teacher training (I don't know how she finds the time or energy) can be found at Bikram Yoga Teacher Training Fall 2010. There's also Chrissy, who seems like a gentle powerhouse and talks about her experience at Japanese Ham Sandwich.

This year has brought so many unknowns into my life. I declared at the beginning of the Chinese New Year (the year of the tiger, my year) that something unforeseen but life changing was going to happen to me. I thought it was going to be Bikram Yoga Teacher Training, but life instead led me to San Antonio where I bought a new car and moved in to a new house with my sister to begin my new life as a Texan. Now that's unforeseen.

I still feel a bit of a pull towards San Diego this fall, however. Bikram has done remarkable things for my life. I didn't do it for weight loss, but I lost about seven pounds after my 60 day challenge. My skin cleared, and friends were remarking on my "yoga glow". I didn't get sick, not even a sniffle and I slept soundly every night. But probably most importantly, it gave me a point of focus in my life and allowed me to relax in the city that never seems to, New York City.

So I cheer on my sisters at Bikram Teacher Training. I wish I could be there sweating it out with you, but I am vicariously living through your blogs, tweets and updates. Keep them coming.

For those of you who would like to see me get to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training some day and who enjoyed following my 60 Day Challenge, feel free to donate to my teacher training fund. You can click on the little paypal icon in the upper right corner of this page.

Oh, and one more thing. I guess I shouldn't use the phrase "GREEN with envy" when talking about Bikram. Reportedly, he has a phobia with the color green.

Patience...

2010-09-27T17:45:00.001-04:00

...is a virtue. I have now been in San Antonio for exactly a month and can still not move in to my new house.

In my previous blog, I noted that speed is one of the major differences between New York City and San Antonio. We've hired people to repaint our interior and refloor our home, and they're still working on it. We were told everything would be done by Friday and then planned the big migration from Mom and Dad's house (all my stuff from NYC has been occupying their garage...they're angels!) to my new abode. Not so. Now, we're shooting for this coming weekend. HOPEFULLY, everything will be done then and the transition will be smooth. What's a week, anyway?

I do have access to the pool, which I can enjoy any time regardless of painters and floorers.

The Differences between the Empire State and the Lone Star State...part one

2010-09-23T22:34:00.000-04:00

I've been in San Antonio for about a month now. And I've noticed a sea change of differences between the crowded city streets of NYC and the wide open spaces of San Antonio.

1. The Shoes! Now, I know Carrie Bradshaw made teetering around New York's busy streets famous in Sex and the City, but I never wore anything on my feet that I couldn't walk in comfortably for at least a mile. New York City is a pedestrian city and San Antonio is a huge SUV city. And these Texan ladies can let their pretty little feet luxuriate in fabulous four inch peep toes without breaking a sweat. I have adopted this trend as my own and am happily rescuing some of my favorite stillettos from where they were gathering dust.

2. The Jewelry! I never wore too much jewelry in New York City. Mostly because I worked in theatre and I would have to promptly remove anything I wore and place it on my dressing room table. And having once had my wallet stolen from said dressing room, I stopped bringing anything of value to work. Plus, wearing anything blingy on the subway is probably not the best of ideas. You always want to avoid any attention grabbing behavior in such places unless, of course, you are proclaiming your newfound love of Jesus Christ to commuters. My realtor has set the bar for the Texan ladies and their bling. I swear she has a rock the size of Dallas on her left hand.

3. The speed. Except for when they're behind the wheels of their gigantic SUVs, the Texans I've encountered like to take their time. Such a difference from the hustle and bustle of New York City. It took me a while to adjust. My first day at Bikram Yoga San Antonio, it took about 20 minutes to check in, and only two people were in front of me in line. I guess of all places for me to be indoctrinated into the pace of the city, Bikram Yoga is probably the best.

4. The prices. Everything here seems to be exactly half the price of what I paid for it in New York. When I see Amy's Organic frozen dinners for $3, I can't help but leap for joy.

Stay tuned for more revelations from the Lone Star State. Until next time, I'll see y'all around the bend!

The Eight Pound Transition

2010-09-15T21:52:00.000-04:00

That's how much I've gained since I moved from NYC to Texas.

Eek! I'm quickly become a walking stereotype of the great Lone Star State. But it's only transitional weight, I've assured myself. I haven't been able to do a consistent Bikram class, I've feasted on amazing Tex Mex food and I've gone from walking everywhere to tooling around town in my new car.

It's been worth every pound.

I got the chance to revisit my old home town in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin to sing at a fundraiser for the theatre program in the new high school auditorium, a 1,000-plus seat behemoth that far outsizes most theaters I've played in New York City.

Even though it's been about 18 years since I sang and danced in high school productions, returning home showed me that although buildings may change, the people never do. I picked right up where I left off with friends who I haven't seen for that long. We laughed at the same jokes we did back then, only now, the jokes were peppered with a lot more adult references and cursing. Or were they?

I've also become a driver once again. After 12 years of my on and off again affair with New York City, I find myself behind the wheel of a red Chrysler Seabring convertible again. It's just like riding a bike...

And back to those pounds...

I found that when I stopped trying to lose weight and focused instead on changing my attitude and behavior through Bikram yoga and my vegan lifestyle, the pounds flew off. I found a kind of inner peace and contentment that this transition has muddled up a bit. We close on the house next week. Let's hope I get back to my center. Ohm.

Gettin' Out of Town!

2010-08-25T11:42:00.000-04:00

It is Wednesday, and although I don't leave NYC until Saturday, I am all packed up and ready to go.

That's just how I am.

Of course, this means that I am living among boxes and suitcases for the next three days. Sigh...

When in doubt, Bikram

2010-08-21T09:49:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling all out of sorts lately. I'm moving to San Antonio in a week, but my mind is already there. I've said goodbye to all of my close friends out here, but I still have a week left. It's as if I've been premature in declaring my independence from this great city of New York. So, in order to fill my time, I have taken to visiting the city's parks, watching television and doing a general moping around my apartment, willing time to pass more quickly.

Hold up, this is not me. The Natalie I want to be is vibrant, full of life, and ready to take on challenges always with a traveler's soul. Why am I in this depressive state? What is missing from my life?

Bikram, that's what. I feel empty, listless and agitated. And then I went to a bikram class in Harlem two days ago and felt light, happy, and free. I still had to take a knee, but the sweat purified me, in a way. I got rid of all of the evil feelings and dissatisfaction that's been building inside me like a cancer. This feeling lasted for about a day, and then the next day, I was back to moping on my couch and flipping through the channels on my TV trying to find enlightenment through Time Warner cable.

I feel guilty for not making this last week count in NYC. I hear a nagging voice inside my head calling me a lazy bum. But that just makes me dig in my heels a little stronger and resist even more. What's the point, I answer. But the point is that every second of life is precious, and by wishing any time away is sad.

So I need to get back to Bikram and meditation. I used to really be in to zazen, the seated form of meditation, which is harder than it sounds. But I just tried it again after not doing it for months, and my mind instantly cleared. It's amazing. When you force yourself to think of nothing and do nothing for five minutes, everything and anything seems possible. And Bikram is just so wonderfully exhausting and purifying, that you really don't have the energy afterwards to feel sorry for yourself. There's nothing like the feeling of being utterly physically exhausted at the end of the day. I miss that sensation.

A transition in anyone's life is certain to bring up all sorts of feelings of inadequacy, fear and antsyness. Bikram and meditation can help me weather through that storm.

The Fantasy of New York

2010-08-16T17:06:00.000-04:00

I recently posed a question on Facebook asking friends to recommend the most iconic food that New York has to offer, as I was putting together a bucket list before I left. One friend replied, "It's not so much a food as a question: "Whaddya feel like tonight? Chinese, Indian, Japanese or Italian?"

I think this is true for many New Yorkers. My friend happens to live in a lovely two bedroom condo on the upper west side. But for dopes like me, who live in Little Dominican Republic, the question is more like, whaddya feel like tonight? Dominican, bad Chinese from the fried chicken/Chinese/tortilla hybrid restaurant, or rice and beans from the cheap grocery store on the corner?

I find that my experience in New York can best be summed up in this fabulous little commercial from Manhattan Mini Storage.

I can get my little hiney on the #1 subway and travel 40 minutes to a place in town where the world is indeed, my oyster. My friend Karen does it. But alas, I don't. I guess I'm more of a homebody than this city wants me to be. So I shouldn't be shelling out ridiculous amounts of money a month to live in this fantasy of New York that I'm not taking advantage of.

I want a car. I want a yard. I want to sip my coffee on my porch while reading the New York Times, not fearing for my life because of a story I read in the New York Times. I'd like to subscribe to this fantasy of New York without waking up to the grim reality of New York every morning. I want to leave this city while I still am in love with it, where I can still somehow believe in this fantasy...a fantasy best viewed from afar.

Extra! Extra!

2010-08-09T17:17:00.000-04:00

I have mentioned that this month of August is the month of my saying yes to everything...within reason, as my friend Brian gleefully pointed out. The reason for that is...drum roll please...I am trading in my mouse-infested ground floor apartment in the Bronx to a house of my own (meaning I own it) in San Antonio, Texas.

Don't get my wrong, New York, it's been a blast. I have really had a wonderful two years. Or more correctly, 12 years on and off. And who knows? I may be back again. Probably will, knowing my track record.

But enough is enough. At 35, it's time to grow up a little and stop living like a 20 year old, surviving on beans and rice and skimping on air conditioning so I can afford a cute audition outfit. I want to have a home base and then be free to travel, see the world, but also in a way, to settle down and live the quiet life for a while...not that my life has ever been quiet.

This past week, I did something I had never done before...backgound work on both a TV set and movie set. Some people do this for a living. God love 'em. I cannot see how anyone who is not constantly jacked up on caffeine could do this for more than a week and stay sane and healthy. The work itself is not hard. It's really a lot of sitting around and meeting new people who are also sitting around. But the hours! For Royal Pains, I had to report downtown at 4:45, which meant that my alarm clock was set to 2:30 that morning. I had to brave the Bronx subways at 3:30 a.m. (reason #47 to be leaving NYC), and we were on set for a total of six hours, working for about one and a half of those.

Then, two days later, I drove up with some new Extra friends to Albany to be background for a club scene. Our call time was 4 p.m., we sat around until 10 p.m., danced, or mock danced until 1:30 and were back in NYC by 4 a.m. HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS??

I'm sure there was a time when I could do this and bounce back with no battle scars, but this past week, I was really feeling my age, much to my chagrin. It's time to recognize, realize, and embrace my limits.

And begin a new adventure. I am gathering information on getting certification to teach English as a foreign language through Oxford Seminars. I want to travel, and oddly enough, even though I currently live in the capital of the world known as New York City, I am not fulfilling my travel quota. They say Korea is one of the best markets for English teachers abroad. What a great place to start! I have been there before, did have the best of times, but did make some friends who live there. Why not?

Let the new chapter begin.

Writing Roundup

2010-08-05T12:36:00.000-04:00

During this month of August, I am saying yes to everything. As a result, I'm enjoying experiences I never would've had ventured upon before. I am still a little too sleepy today to write an appropriate blog about my most recent background work on both film and TV sets (we wrapped last night in Albany at 1:30 and returned home at 4 a.m.), so I'll entreat you to some links to a few travel pieces I have had published in the past few weeks. Enjoy!

I was asked to do a New York City guide for a website called "Urban Travel Blog". It was published online on August 2nd. Hope you get some ideas here for your next trip to the Big Apple! Click here to access the story

I also had a nice profile written about me on the site. Click here to read my profile

I have also had the amazing opportunity to serve as an intern for the Lost Girls Website, a travel site focusing on adventuresome women. Among my duties have been to compile some wacky, zany travel-related news stories from around the world. Click here to read my news roundup from August 5
Click here to read my news roundup from July 22

Guilty!

2010-07-29T18:04:00.001-04:00

Just kidding. They settled out of court. But how I wish I could've shouted that from the jury box. Or maybe croon it like they did in the short-lived show, Cop Rock. God knows my fellow jurors would have enjoyed it. As we all started to leak out information about ourselves, it wasn't long before I started entertaining the mostly male crowd with time steps and show tunes.

But I couldn't help but notice how similar the entire jury duty experience was to my audition experience. The cattle call (officially known as a chorus call or equity principle audition) is a whole lot of waiting around, just like jury duty. You report at a specified time, but the powers that be in the courtroom itself, or the audition room itself, have absolutely no concern for your time. They will call you in when they want you, and once they do, treat you with only mild disdain, if you're lucky.

Yet, we were not full of despair. Even though we'd all rather be somewhere else, I think we all shared a common feeling of wanting to give a fair and accurate verdict if asked to do so. We laughed and joked in the jury room, exchanging political views, life stories and even pictures of kids (from the lone dad in the room). I have practically experienced this same experience while waiting to be called in to audition, a slight nervousness in the pit of my stomach, tempered by slowly breaking the ice with those seated next to me, a bag full of crossword puzzles and magazines to pass the time at my feet.

If the jury room was like the actor's waiting room, the court room itself was like a Broadway stage. Or, in this case, since we were a civil trial, more like an off-Broadway stage. There were your seasoned professionals, like the blowhard prosecuting attorney, or the charming, joking witness. There were the novices who had such extreme stage fright that you couldn't even hear what they were saying over the noise of the air conditioning unit, and of course, there's us, the jury, serving as a New York audience, ruthlessly judging everything presented to us.

The jury room also felt a bit like backstage to me. We bonded a bit with each other, some more with others, and even a few Facebook alliances were formed. Even though I was ecstatic when the show closed...I mean, the case was settled, I was ever so slightly sad that I would have no reason to see my fellow defenders of justice again. Luckily, since I've been through this before with so many casts, my connection to them was mighty but shallow. We felt like a family for a week, and now we become strangers again.

Hot Jury

2010-07-25T16:05:00.000-04:00

I never thought I'd look forward to Monday morning jury duty.

But here I am, picking out an outfit to wear, making sure my legs are shaved and my nails aren't chewed to smithereens.

I have been assigned to a hot jury for the next six days.

Seeing that I can't write about my jury duty in any detail, I figured I'd write about what I could discuss, my hot jury.

Let's start with Juror #1, a psychologist of Italian descent in his 30s, linger on Juror #2, a Swiss ex-pat with salt and pepper hair and a cheeky attitude. Juror #5 is a rough and tumble Irishman who always holds the door open for me, while Juror #6 is a finely groomed blonde with adorable '50s era glasses.

We spend a lot of time together, this hot jury and me, and although most of that time is spent in the jury room with our heads buried in our reading material, or trying to stay attentive during the trial, we do have the occasional conversation and opportunities, thusly, to flirt. I was invited to a pub with the Irishman and Swiss man (I declined), the psychiatrist waited for me at the end of the day to walk me to my subway station (I swear, we didn't talk about the trial!), and my finely coifed blonde friend and I are already thick as thieves.

So those of you who dread being called up for jury duty, you could luck out like me. I'm loving every second of it.

My Daddy, My Hero

2010-07-21T22:12:00.000-04:00

Today is my Dad's birthday. He turns 61, although you would never guess that. He is what some people refer to as a Peter Pan, Forever Young, Big Kid kind of guy. But I just see him as the way a dad should be when they are 61. He is the kind of guy who will never be caught without tennis shoes on his feet, just in case there's a pickup game of ball somewhere.

But aside from his youthful vigor, he is extremely organized, methodical and principled. He is, after all, an accountant, albeit a cool one. He starts his day before the sun rises to do one of his daily workouts (he has about six different routines that he rotates daily), sits down for a bowl of cereal and the sports section and then is at work before most people arrive. On his way to work, he listens to one of his Sirius satellite radio stations...he works his way through the dial each week...in his Jeep Wrangler with the top off if the weather permits. When he's not crunching numbers at work, he keeps coworkers entertained with various trivia contests and jokes.

My dad has a saying, kind of a credo if you will: Only boring people get bored. My dad is the midst of about a dozen projects ranging from collecting miniature baseball helmets and arranging them weekly in his office based on their standings, to working his way through a list of Top 40 songs he wants to learn how to play on the guitar. His DVR list is long and varies from selections from the History Channel to a Green Day concert. He has magazines and books piled up to read. He is never bored. In fact, he won't even let us use the word. It has become profane and is always referred to in our house as the B word.

My sister and I always joke that he has ruined all other men for us because no one will ever treat us like our Daddy does. We can do no wrong in his eyes, even though we have invariably gotten ourselves into many SNAFUs over the years. He tries to make each mistake a learning experience and rarely have I seen him lose his patience with us. He has moved me to New York City more times than I can count, even once trying to pick a lock to the apartment where my sublet had given me the wrong key.

Yet, he tells ME that I'm the bravest person he knows. Doesn't he realize that I'm just a reflection of all the love and guidance he has given me in my 35 years? Happy birthday, Daddy. I wish I was there to celebrate with you.

Loving and Hating the City That Never Sleeps

2010-07-19T22:10:00.001-04:00

Today was one of those quintessential New York City days. I truly felt like I was on a movie set or something, the point of view of a single New York City gal let loose on the city for a day. I had worked all weekend, so today, Monday, was going to be a play day for me. I had lunch planned with a friend and then a salon visit with another friend. Not a bad day.

It started at the Russian Tea Room where I enjoyed another sampling of Restaurant Week. I have always wanted to visit this restaurant. I mean, it's such a New York institution., and definitely on my bucket list of things I want to do before I leave NYC someday. The interior of this place is truly something to be admired, with forest green walls loaded with framed works of art, and plush red booths. But despite the friendliness of the maitre d', I found the service to be mediocre. Our waiter was fine, but I felt plates were just plopped down in front of us without the pomp and circumstance one would expect at such a famous landmark.

The food, however, was great. I don't usually find myself eating beets, but I had this culinary delight in two different incarnations, borscht and a delightful beet and arugula salad.

After this, I decided to walk around the city and pop into whatever store beckoned me. I visited a Barnes and Noble, was told I was sitting where I should not be sitting (apparently I had curled up with a book in front of the emergency exit), then popped into Saks Fifth Avenue where I was severely out of my income level. I rested my feet (and then told to take them off the chair) at one of the indoor public spaces NYC provides. Although not air conditioned, this atrium was completely relaxing and took me away from the hustle and bustle out on Madison Avenue.

Madison Avenue always puts me in a strange mood. I was dressed nicely today, but I still felt I had picked my outfit from the Dress Barn on this street. Each storefront outdid the next. Roberto Cavalli gave way to Valentino who gave way to Donna Karan. None of which I could afford, or even dream affording. To further accentuate my feeling of not belonging, a speeding car somehow found the one deep puddle on the street and splashed some nefarious substance up on to me, soaking the back of me. Of course. I do not belong here.

But I want to belong. And this is the conundrum of NYC. In a city full of diversity and representatives of every race, creed, color and country, I still feel lost in the shuffle. Where do I belong? Not in my current neighborhood where store signage is almost all in Spanish. Not in the theatre district, where I can't even get arrested. I love travel, and so exploring the different ethnic neighborhoods satisfies that need, but what about me? Where am I represented? What is home to me?

Did I mention that a mouse has burrowed a hole into my bedroom closet and that I have jury duty starting tomorrow? Sigh...

Which Country Would You Like to Visit Today?

2010-07-12T23:05:00.000-04:00

God, I love to travel. I love setting out in a brand new city to sample the cuisine, gawk at the architecture and people watch until I can't keep my eyes open any more. I'm been fortunate enough that most of the travel I've done has been paid for by my other career and passion, acting.

This summer however, no jobs have whisked me away to exotic locales, so it's up to me to make my own adventure, and what better place to do that than New York City? I mean, come on, it's a city made up of hundreds of cultures from all over the world. You choose a country to "experience" and find more than a day's worth of activities to correspond right here in New York City.

This weekend I chose France, partly because there was a Bastille Day celebration on Sunday, and partly because Restaurant Week began today, and I can finally afford to eat at some of the more celebrated French restaurants in the city.

With travel buddy Karen in tow, we stormed the barricades of the NYPD and braved the throngs at the Bastille Day celebration held on East 60th Street between Lex and 5th Avenue.

What I often forget about French culture is how vast the French empire spreads her influence. Sure, there were the obligatory cancan dancers, mimes and accordian players, but there were also kiosks serving delectable couscous and lamb dishes, representative of Morocco, and an actress from Haiti telling call and response style stories (known as krik-krak style) to a mesmerized crowd. Even dogs got into the spirit of liberte, egalite, and fraternite.

I passed on the eight dollar nutella crepes, even though my love for nutella rivals most other loves in my life. I can buy a jar for about half the cost and make my own rendition at home with a tortilla in lieu of a crepe.

Today, I joined my friend Kelli to welcome in Restaurant Week at Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, Maze, located at the London Hotel on 54th Street.

For $26.07, we feasted upon a fixed price three course lunch in the cool, mint green and chrome interior (which felt heavenly on the 93 degree day). I opted for the octopus terrine (despite my vow to never eat octopus again after the World Cup, sorry, Paul!) for my first course, pan fried ocean trout (perfectly crispy on the outside and tender on the inside) for my main course, and vanilla custard with citrus fruits, which I practically cried over, it was so good.

Of course, the fun of going out to lunch with a friend is that you get to taste each other's dishes. So, I also feasted upon Kelli's first course of asparagus veloute (a type of soup), main course of carnaroli risotto of parsley (umm...so good), and dessert of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting (not as good as mine, but served with a candied carrot as a garnish...who has ever heard of candied carrot?)

With this trip down my French memory lane, I was brought back to my cruise ship days when I was able to spend a spring and summer docking weekly in Marseille to feast on bouillabaisse, rose wine and crepes with an occasional trek up to Aix en Provence, which looked as it if had been pulled out of a fairy tale book.

Bikram and the Dog Days of Summer

2010-07-10T09:46:00.000-04:00

This week, NYC (along with other great cities such as Boston and Toronto) got a blast of heat, with temperatures resting above 100 for three days in a row. There are those who say that doing Bikram in such heat would be foolhardy, but let me tell you my friends, although it was tough, it's about the best thing you can do for your body.

Seriously.

A story on wnyc.org says that exposure to the heat one feels in Bikram's torture chamber helps the body to better adjust to the everyday heat that we feel during the summer in New York City.

And I would venture to believe that it's much better for your body than going into an ice cold office building that's set at 60 degrees and then out again into the 100 degree heat.

I am certainly acclimating to this heat. I do not want an AC in my apartment. I don't like them. I think they dry out the throat, help prolong the summer cold and don't really do a good job of ventilating the apartment, but rather blast cold air in one direction and jack your utility bills sky high.

I remember a sultry summer I spent in Japan. Members of our company were complaining because of the heat. And the Japanese, for the most part, don't rely as heavily on AC as we do in the States. I loved it. The body has tools that allow it to cool down. Sweat, for example. And boy, do I sweat.

I was a sopping mess in Bikram class yesterday. So much so that my hands pruned up as if I had taken a long soak in a bath. I asked my teacher about it and she said, "It's because you're so much more advanced now. You look at newcomers who barely sweat, and here you are, so efficient, sweating so much that you prune up. Congratulations!" And I must say, it was the best class I had in a while.

New York Botanical Gardens and Arthur Avenue

2010-07-05T11:30:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, my friend Karen and I embarked on a quest to better know our borough of the Bronx. We headed to the neighborhood of Belmont (home of "A Bronx Tale") to explore another city park, the New York Botanical Gardens (located a bit east of Belmont) and the famed Arthur Avenue, what locals call "the true Little Italy" of NYC.

Happening now at the New York Botanical Gardens is the Edible Garden and Emily Dickinson's Garden: The Poetry of Flowers exhibit. Karen and I decided, instead, to take advantage of the free admission granted each Saturday from 10 a.m. to noon and save the special exhibits for another time.

We began our visit by hiking among the wetland trail, upon which we both declared it reminded us a lot of some of the parks we had visited in Asia. And it's true. Whenever I visit a foreign country, I usually try to find a beloved city park, explore with a journal and a camera until I'm ravenous, and then find some delightful local food to feast on. This is just what we did, only instead of crossing an ocean to find such an adventure, all we had to do was take the Bx9 bus for 15 minutes.

We found a park bench overlooking a section of the Bronx River which cuts through the park and watched a very courageous duck try to make our acquaintance. His mate had just led her chicks across the river to refuge and quickly came to join him as we watched. They poked about in the leaves surrounding us looking for morsels. Karen sketched the duck as long as he could stay still, and I attempted to take some photos of him, but alas, the old iPhone does not have a zoom, so this is all I could get.

We then journeyed to another section of the park which again, reminded us of Asia, the ornamental conifer garden, where evergreens of all types were pruned or simply allowed to grow in various shapes and sizes.

This brought us to the Peggy Rockefellar Rose Garden, a bright, sunny collection of roses which smelled like heaven.

After exploring for about four hours, our stomachs started growling, so we headed off to the much anticipated Arthur Avenue, and this time, I felt as if I was back in Italy. I picked a restaurant recommended in the Zagat Guide and New York Times called Zero Otto Nove and we were both incredibly pleased with the choice.

We followed the hostess to the back of the restaurant through a narrow stone passageway to a bright, sunlit room decorated with hand-painted frescos and encircling a stone pizza oven. We ordered the mozzarella and tomato appetizer and then shared the Riccardo Pizza (another recommendation) which consisted of butternut squash, fresh basil and mozzarella and pancetta.

I have been trying to live a vegan lifestyle at my home, but in occasions like this, I eschew this practice and eat what is featured in the place I am exploring. Isn't that the key to life?

We had arrived at the restaurant right at the end of the lunch shift, so we were treated to an elaborate unfurling of the big screen, the ceremonious turning on of the World Cup soccer match between Paraguay and Spain, and the young and attractive wait staff sit down for their company meal. As I exited, the adorable pizza chef shouted at me, "Ciao, Bella!" Ahh...just like Italy

To walk off our dinner, we explored several of the shops lining Arthur Avenue, our favorite being the Arthur Avenue Market which housed fresh produce stands, meat and cheese stands and tables where locals convened to chat in Italian and watch the soccer game together. In fact, it seemed as if every establishment we encountered had the game on.

We ended the day with a visit to Our Lady of Mt. Carmel church, the centerpiece of this neighborhood. It felt good to sit in cool silence on such a hot and sunny day. Once again I had forgotten to bring my sunscreen and my face and chest were feeling it.

Back to Writing

2010-07-01T08:25:00.001-04:00

In this existential summer I discover myself in, I find that it helps to listen to good friends' advice. My friend Brian said it best, "Whatever keeps popping up in your mind is the one to follow." Lately, writing, especially travel writing has been tapping my metaphorical shoulder and demanding that attention be paid.

The theatre business in NYC seems to have taken a detour to the beach, my Bikram training has been postponed to the spring session (although I still try to take class a minimum of three times a week), so in order to feed that child inside me that demands it be relevant, I have decided to explore another passion I have had since my junior year of high school, travel writing.

This week, I started to put together a slicker travel writing website which showcases some of my blogs from China and South Korea, some memories from Japan and several stories that I had published in the San Antonio Express-News. I've only just started on Buster's Travels, but I'm enjoying the layout and having fun revisiting my old trips.

I also started to research a bit and check out travel-based websites who need interns or novice writers. Two of these sites have contacted me: the amazing Lost Girls which began as three young New Yorkers who abandoned their day jobs for a life on the road, and Urban Travel Blog which features city guides (known as "The Juice") of noteworthy cities around the world. I'm currently working on one about New York City, which is harder than one would think. How do I choose just a few highlights to focus on in the city that never sleeps?

My Morning at Wave Hill

2010-06-26T15:09:00.000-04:00

For some reason, I woke up at the crack of dawn today. I really love these summer mornings when I have my windows open and the cacophonous sound of birds rouses me from my slumber. I revel in these moments because I know that soon those chirps will be replaced with the sound of Latin music blaring and my neighbor's crazy dog yapping at all passers-by.

Taking the suggestions I had set forth for myself in my previous blog, I decided to explore one of the parks in this section of the city and walking distance (albeit a healthy one) from my apartment: Wave Hill. I could've taken the 1 train to 242nd street, but instead I walked, basking in the glory of my 'hood's relative peace before the city woke up. Yes, it was already 8:45, but I guess most people were still sleeping in. At 242nd Street, I caught the free shuttle van which drove me past gorgeous homes, up winding streets past private schools, to the front gate of the park. What a sea change from the life that inhabits Broadway and 242nd Street. Oh, how the other half lives.

Saturday mornings are free admission at Wave Hill until noon, so I breezed path the ticket booth, rounded the corner and quite literally, had my breath taken away by the gorgeous view I encountered.

It was as if I had been invited to someone's country estate. The grounds were just so vast and beautifully manicured. Wooden chairs and benches were set up randomly so that people could relax and stare out at the stunning vistas. Arbors framed some of the sights perfectly, and sometimes an exploration down a winding dirt path revealed wonderful little clearings perfect for quiet contemplation.

I started by "hiking" the woodland trail and had to laugh at myself. I'm not much of an outdoorsy girl. So, even though the woods were lovely and luscious, I kept swatting away real or imagined bugs, ducking under thistle bushes, and chasing a white cat (true!), and really couldn't wait to get back to the wide open spaces that boasted the aforementioned views. I found a chair under a gigantic shade tree and pulled out my journal and Bazaar magazine. Now THIS is how you spend a Saturday morning.

After about an hour of sheer sloth, I wandered over to the flower garden and took pictures of some of the perennials and annuals in full bloom. I didn't know the names of any of these beauties, but maybe you do.

I sat under one of the arbors at the western side of the garden and watched children trying to catch butterflies with nets. Ahh...

Journeying further northward, I encountered the "wild garden", herb gardens and the aquatic garden which boasted a pond in the middle of a rectangle of arbors.

In some of the gardens and greenhouses, I encountered plants that looked as if they had been designed by Dr. Seuss or Antoni Gaudi.

By this time it was getting close to noon and my poor shoulders were starting to feel their lack of sunscreen. The park was starting to get a bit more crowded and opportune chairs were getting harder and harder to find. I decided it would be a good idea to think about catching the shuttle back to 242nd Street.

I missed the shuttle by two minutes, and the next one wasn't going to leave for another hour, so I made the most of my situation and started to walk home. It was closer than I expected. I found myself on Johnson Avenue, a fabulous street lined with different ethnic food restaurants in the heart of Riverdale. I chose Palace of Japan and had the most delicious rolls. One called the King Kong roll with eel, avocado and cucumber and my favorite, the signature Palace roll with shrimp, cream cheese and salmon roe among its ingredients.

This is how I want my Saturday mornings to be this summer. I love exploring new places either alone or with friends. I felt totally at peace all morning and just so happy to be spending the summer in New York.

Embrace the Present

2010-06-25T08:47:00.001-04:00

I am much calmer than when I last blogged. I'm still playing a waiting game with my life, but at this point, I'm starting to enjoy it. There are so many wonderful things I can experience in the city this summer while keeping the cost low.

The first thing I discovered was free yoga in Inwood Hill Park every Tuesday night.

What a gorgeous experience. I have completely submerged myself into the world of boot camp, torture chamber Bikram yoga that I forgot all about the crunchy, granola, plant your feet into the earth and embrace the sky form of yoga. Before class began I watched a family in the lawn to the right of me play a game of freeze tag and although local youth guffawed loudly at us when we chanted "Ohm" at the beginning, I really had a great time. Unfortunately, grumbles of thunder made us bring our practice to an early end, but not before the fireflies had made their entrance and danced underneath the trees and amidst our arms stretching up to the sky. It's funny. In Bikram yoga, you are urged to really push your body to its limit, and the heat helps you achieve this goal. In this outdoor form of yoga, I found myself pushing my body and woke up quite sore the next morning. Just another example that the heat really helps you go beyond where you think your body can go.

Speaking of the heat, I have embarked on perhaps a foolhardy quest of experiencing the summer sans air conditioner. I hate air conditioning. I always catch some type of summer cold because going in and out of the extremes weakens my resolve in some way. Yesterday I felt the difficulty of this quest as the temperature hit 92 degrees and the humidity was nice and thick. I had my trusty Vornado fan and was able to weather the day quite nicely, although sleeping was a bit of a challenge. It's only June. Wish me luck!

The parks in my part of the city are just waiting to be explored by me! Although Time Out New York likes to ignore my particular part of the city, there are jewels like Inwood Hill Park, Wave Hill, Fort Tryon Park and Van Cortlandt Park, to name a few. My friend Karen lives right by the Bronx Zoo which also is home to the New York Botanical Gardens and the famous Arthur Avenue, home to all things Italian. Since I have given myself permission to have weekends this summer, I plan on experiencing as much of these delights as possible.

So, Life, I don't mind waiting for you as long as I have some fun things to do in the city while I wait. Take your time, it's going to be a long, hot summer and I intend to enjoy every second of it.

I'm in an existential kind of mood...

2010-06-21T08:48:00.001-04:00

I've had a fabulous weekend. I got to spend each day with a different one of my fabulous 30-something year old male friends, hanging out in the park, getting my hair cut or catching up over calamari. One thing I noticed is that we're all going through the exact same thing. We are all in our mid 30's, all in the arts community in one way or the other, and we're all feeling very existential these days.

We debated why we were all feeling this way. Was it because of the uncertainty of the economy? Were we going through a mid-life crisis a few years too early? Because we were without children, were we questioning our purpose on this planet? We started brainstorming wonderful projects we could do, to give purpose to our lives. Opening a summer stock theatre, writing books and plays together, adopting dogs, and experiencing all of the free events in NYC were some of the ideas we came up with, knowing full well that there were probably only pipe dreams. We were people somewhat stuck in our ways, under the illusion that we were without baggage and free as birds.

This summer is tricky for me, because as I stated in a previous post, I am playing a waiting game. My career is one that is either feast or famine. Last year at this time, I was in two shows at once, both off-Broadway originals, while apartment sitting for a friend downtown, experiencing different yoga classes all over the city and engaging in a constant if somewhat exhausting social life. This summer finds me working out of my home, volunteering for my local Bikram studio in exchange for free classes and a non-existent social life. I have no complaints, I am so lucky to be able to roll out of bed and begin working without the hassle of a commute, but I'm craving something exciting to happen. I have a few offers on the table, but they're just that, offers. Faint whispers of where my life may go, but nothing concrete. And the more time I have to think about things, the more my mind wanders, my wheels start spinning, and I want to do something extreme, like move to Hawaii and reinvent myself.

My e-mail just dinged, time to start work. I know I'm really lucky. I am in the best shape of my life, I have a wonderful family and a small but mighty group of friends. Life is good. I just feel a little antsy, that's all.

Jury Summons!

2010-06-19T17:48:00.001-04:00

I opened my mailbox this afternoon, and found this lurking inside:

I've been called to report to jury duty on Tuesday, July 20. Who knows what kind of case I will get? Will I sit next to someone who has exotic fruit in his briefcase? Do I need to break out my Princess Leia costume? Never fear, faithful followers, the entire experience will be well documented on this site (well, as much as I can legally document). It's going to be one hell of a summer!

Summer in the City

2010-06-16T11:05:00.001-04:00

After a gentle reminder from my friend Brian, and the fact that I haven't blogged in over a month, I decided to put my fingers to the keys and crank out some summertime blogs! Did you miss me?

First off: Checking In

The prom fundraiser was a ridiculous success. I had no idea how many people would show up, because Facebook invitees don't always tell the truth when RSVPing. The place was packed! Women dressed up in their favorite '80s-inspired frocks, men got creative with their apparel as well. It was a night of fun and frivolity and the money collected from that as well as the Kickstarter online fundraising program we had going gave us enough money to indeed, kickstart our movie.

I say "we", but really, the genius behind all of this is the mega-talented Brian Hampton. I don't know how he does it. "Checking In" has been his baby for the past six years or more, and he has stayed steadfast and focused on making a success out of it. Right now, he's waiting with baited breath for the okay from a location in which to shoot, and then it's off to the races...but now, it's all about learning to be patient and playing the waiting game, for all of us. Which brings me to...

Bikram Yoga Teacher Training in the fall.
You may have noticed the cute little button on this page in the upper right hand corner asking my readers to donate to my teacher training. It's dang expensive. So expensive that I think it may have to wait until the spring. I'm waiting to see what happens with "Checking In" and whether or not the filming will conflict with teacher training, but even if it doesn't, I think I need a few more months of income, and maybe a few more months of Bikraming before I can really feel ready to do this two month long endeavor. I've been following the updates of The Dancing J and Joe Garrido who are currently in teacher training in Vegas. It sounds tough, damn tough. I know I can do it, but perhaps the spring will be a better time to plunge myself into all things Bikram. I'm kind of leaving this up to fate at this point. I'm currently doing work study at my home studio, Bikram Yoga Bronx, and I think it's really helping me get into the world of Bikram as well as helping me save some money.

South Padre Island with the family

I just got back from a three week trip to San Antonio, Texas to spend time with my family. During that time we went to our favorite condo in South Padre Island overlooking the Gulf of Mexico (the non-oiled portion) and just had the time of our lives. I always feel like I truly relax when I go home and it got my wheels spinning about maybe moving to San Antonio some time in the future. I truly think I'm done with the whole acting scene here in New York, unless, of course, something changes my mind. But I've always said, and those who are close to me agree with this statement, if I'm not doing theatre in New York, it's too expensive of a place to live. When I visited the Bikram studio in San Antonio and the teacher opened the windows to purge the room, instead of hearing the cacophony of buses, subways and car alarms that I normally hear, I heard birds chirping. I know it sounds cheesy, but I'm getting to the point in my life where I want that. Again, time will tell.

So, life for me right now is not much more than a giant waiting game. Bikram yoga and my friends and family are helping me to stay calm through that. Those of you who knew me in a past life may remember that patience is not one of my strongest suits, but I'm getting better at it. I must say I'm excited to see what the future holds, but for now, I must wait.

Look Into Your Own Eyes

2010-05-14T14:27:00.001-04:00

There was a powerful episode of Oprah the other day on which she discussed women and their relationship with food. Several women kept a video diary which chronicled their daily eating habits and I could not believe how many of them stared into the camera after a day of binging and told us how much they hated themselves. How low is low? What's rock bottom? It doesn't have to be smashing up your car or losing your job. For me, rock bottom is when you come to the point of self hatred.

About eight months ago I made a life change where I went from self hatred (or close to it) to self love. I'm not talking about egotism. I'm talking about self love, loving myself. Caring what I did to my body, my mind, my spirit. What guided me through this transition was mainly a (close to) daily practice of Bikram yoga.

Bikram yoga is a dialogue-driven form of yoga. The teacher doesn't demonstrate, she inspires us through her words. One of the most inspiring phrases of this dialogue is, "look into your own eyes." I think it's tough for a lot of women (men too, for that matter) to look in the mirror into their own eyes without judgement. There's always something to fix, flatten, suck in, push out. But in Bikram class, it doesn't matter how you look. We're all sweaty, red-faced messes. Here, we look into our own eyes and see the power, the strength and the courage it takes to show up to class and put ourselves through the torture chamber that is Bikram's heated studio.

Some of the advice Oprah's guest, Geneen Roth gave the women in the video diaries was for them to look into the mirror, into their own eyes and forgive and love themselves. What a gift that piece of advice is. So easily said, yet so difficult to do. Try it. Go to the mirror. Look at yourself in the mirror, and into your own eyes say to yourself, I love you. It's amazing what this can open up for you.

No Water? No Problem!

2010-05-09T21:52:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, I tried Bikram Yoga class for the first time without water. Wow, it truly is a mind over matter kind of thing because I found myself quite nervous during my pre-class meditation. Would I make it through without taking a swig or even wetting my lips? Would I struggle? Would I bite it right there due to lack of hydration? I had set myself in the back right corner of the room, with windows surrounding me on all sides, so I tried to relax my mind and focus on the gorgeous, sunny view I was getting from my new vantage point.

During the first water break, or "party time," I stood there and smiled while everyone was furiously gulping down water. My teacher, who I love, joked about my new location in the room and it just put me in a good mood. My postures after that break were especially strong and I really do think it was because I abstained from water. This is the point in class when I usually get my first minor pangs of nausea and instead, I only felt strength and focus.

The second water break (or when I usually gulped) came right before the savasana that helps us transition from the standing series to the floor series. Since I didn't take any water, I felt that I was able to get into my savasana a lot quicker, and my meditation was more restorative. Plus, the postures following that which cause me to balance on my belly didn't cause me the discomfort I usually feel with a belly full of water.

It wasn't until the very end of class that I felt I ran out of steam. Again, this could be due to running out of calories or just it being the end of class. It was also very humid out that day and the windows had yet to be cracked or the fan turned on. But I've definitely felt worse at the end of a class.

My experiment was complete when after class, I cooled down by the now opened windows and gulped down the still full water bottle I had brought into the room but had never drank from. Immediately, my belly cramped up and I felt as if the wind was knocked out of me. What an odd phenomenon. It wasn't until I came home and made myself a smoothie and sipped some lime water that everything went back to normal.

So, here's my new regiment. Lime or lemon water in the morning, but stop drinking and eating an hour before class. No water during class and then after a nice, slow cool-down period, I can slowly sip some water after class. No gulping! Bikram Yoga, for me, has been all about regaining control over my pace and generally just slowing down...why not apply that to my water consumption as well?

To Water Or Not To Water

2010-05-07T21:12:00.000-04:00

...that is the question. I have heard that drinking water during Bikram class is a surefire way to get nauseous and I'm starting to believe it. Now, while it's important to hydrate well before and after class, chugging water during class only ensures that it sits in your belly while you're trying to focus and balance.

I find that I struggle with two sections in class, and now I'm starting to see the correlation. The first is during the standing balancing series and the second is during the final floor series beginning with the fixed firm pose...both are after water breaks, or as Bikram puts it, party time.

It's no party to be in the camel pose and all of a sudden feel the water in my belly try to exit the way it came in. Granted, the camel pose brings up a lot of stuff (emotions and the like), but one of the things shouldn't be regurgitated water.

So, I'm going to try another challenge of sorts. I'm going to try the challenge of class without water. It is a crutch. The cool water does feel good going down my burning throat, but the nausea just isn't worth it.
I bet that I will be calm and clear-headed and not even miss the water. I mean, come on, basketball players aren't swigging water at the free throw line, baseball players aren't swigging water after they've made it to first base, I just need to make sure that my pre and post game is saturated in hydration. Wish me luck!

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I'm planning on Bikram yoga teacher training in the fall, and I need your help. For those of who have enjoyed reading about my encounters with the torture chamber known as the Bikram Yoga studio, please donate what you can to help get me certified to torture others. You know you want to.

It Comes in Threes

2010-05-04T14:32:00.000-04:00

Theatre is a tricky mistress. Since Sessions closed, I have felt a little adrift in the world of performing arts. I haven't felt compelled to go on many auditions, and those I did attend left me feeling grumbly and under appreciated. I poured myself into my Bikram yoga classes and even made the unofficial decision to take teacher training in the fall.

But then the universe stepped in. My friend Karen got us free tickets to two shows last Wednesday, Everyday Rapture and Banana Shpeel. And all of a sudden I wanted to be on stage again.

But it didn't end there. Thursday night I got a call from the casting agency for HBO's new series, Boardwalk Empire to offer me some background work. I went to the costume department on Friday and got fitted for a 1920s era bathing suit. My Bikram yoga paid off, as I was able to fit into the first costume they pulled for me.

Then, this weekend I participated in a reading of a new show called National Pastime at the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York. On the way to and from, my car mates and I discussed the business and basically revved each other up to keep at it. The reading also was very well received.

So there you have it. I've heard the universe works in threes. Three signs in three days to continue along the path of acting. I'm still planning on attending Bikram Yoga teacher training in the fall unless, of course, Broadway calls (there, I'm putting it out there). But the wonderful thing about the performing arts business and Bikram yoga is that the two can really go hand in hand. Bikram yoga readies my body and voice for the rigors of the stage and also keeps me sane throughout the daily grind. It keeps everything in perspective and allows me those 90 minutes a day to stop thinking and just do. What a gift.

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Teacher training in the fall is just around the corner. If you'd like to help me get there, feel free to click on the little "donate" button at the top right corner of this page. Thank you!

The Mat Dance

2010-04-30T14:34:00.000-04:00

Now that I've eschewed my superstition of always claiming the upper right corner of the yoga room, I'm rediscovering a lot of interesting things about the Bikram yoga practice, the personalities of people and of myself.

Since I'm going to Bikram Teacher Training in the fall, I am trying to find some ways to get ready for the intensive, nine week training. One small thing I can do is to move around the class each day and try different mat locations in the room. This may not seem like a huge deal, but after I clung to that upper right hand corner of the room to get my through my 60 day challenge, I've developed quite an attachment to it. This past week I've set up camp in the back row just to see things from a different perspective and man, how my practice is different!

First of all, it's always so much fun to see some of the behaviors people exhibit when placing their mats down. Some come in like the alpha dogs of their pack and simply plop their mats down in front with no awareness of who they may or may not be blocking. They slam their mats down and then go back to the locker room to get dressed. It's almost like they have to claim their territory before anyone else can. I have been guilty of this behavior at times. If someone was in my corner, God help them. I'd squeeze it as close as I could to them maybe hoping that they'd just give up and say, "Never mind, you have the space, you deserve it more than me."

There is also the person who claims the space right in front of the exit door. They'll come in early too to set up their mat...right in front of the door so that anyone coming in to class has to step over them to enter. I don't know if it's because of claustrophobic tendencies and they need to be the closest to the door "just in case", or that they simply enjoy the small breeze provided when the door is opened and shut.

Then there are people like my friend Karen and me who want to be next to each other, and to do so and still see ourselves in the mirror, we have to constantly adjust and readjust based on who sets up in front of us. A little mat dance, if you will.

It is so strange doing Bikram yoga from the back row after having done it from the front row for four plus months. In the front row I felt like I was in my own little world, my focus was razor sharp because nothing was between me and my reflection in the mirror. Now, I'm struggling with holding my balance in poses such as the standing head to knee pose

and the standing bow pulling pose.

Yet, in poses that vexed me before like the awkward pose

and the balancing stick pose,

I am getting out of my own way and getting much further in the posture than I ever have before.

All of the teachers have commented on my different placements in the room. One even commended me saying, "In teacher training, you won't even be able to see a mirror, you'll be focusing on the tattoo of someone in front of you. Better get used to it now."

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To help me achieve my quest to get to Bikram Yoga teacher training in the fall, please click on the donate button on the top right hand corner of this page (interesting...that's also where I love to put my mat!) A huge THANK YOU to my friend Megan from college for already contributing!!

We Are All Connected

2010-04-27T22:16:00.000-04:00

Every time I take a Bikram class I learn something new about myself. Today's class taught me two things: we are all connected in our struggling and detachment is the key to happiness.

I know I'm not the first to come up with these revelations. (Buddha may have beaten me to the punch thousands of years ago)

I love taking class with friends. I feel like we can pull each other through the class. When she is struggling, I can rev up my energy and pull her along for a while and she can do the same with me. There's a feeling of safety, of knowing that I can completely test my limits and know that I'll be okay. When I bring a friend to a class that's never done Bikram before, I feel the expectation to be completely on my game. No doubt they'll be looking to me for examples, positive reinforcement, or perhaps damning me for dragging them into the torture chamber. I need to show them how calmly, completely and sanely I do the poses. I love this kind of responsibility. It appeals to the alpha in me buried deep down inside. I love that we are connected in sweat.

I also, gasp, set my mat up in a different section of the room today so that I could be close to my friend who wanted to remain in the back row. What a difference this made! I have been harboring a very strong attachment to my coveted corner in the front right of the room and it was almost as if I was experiencing Bikram yoga for the first time by switching it up a little. I don't know why I always gravitate to the same section of the room. Perhaps it's superstition that if I don't have that corner, I won't make it through class...kind of like the baseball player who won't change his socks in the middle of a winning streak. But I saw a new angle of class today and I liked it. I want to do more of it. In fact, from now until I do teacher training in the fall, I want to try to mix it up every time I take class. God knows the training will keep me on my toes. But it's all about baby steps. Let's start with mat placement.

You may have also noticed a new little thingamabob in the upper right corner of this page. Teacher training is expensive and I, alas, am stretched thin. If you've enjoyed my blogs and have a buck or two that you wouldn't mind parting with, go ahead and click on that contribute button. If not, that's okay too, but I thought, why not explore all my options. Any bit helps.

The Spring Conundrum

2010-04-25T10:00:00.000-04:00

The allergies have set in. I wake up sneezing every day even though I sleep with a humidifier and use my neti pot on a regular basis. My energy is zapped. I am constantly chilled and most days I just want to climb back into bed. You know what the remedy is (as always)? Bikram yoga. But how can I get myself out of the apartment and walk to the studio? That seems like an insurmountable task. I know that once I'm there, even if I have a tough class, I will feel better afterwards. All the junk that's clogging up my body gets purged and I feel more like the vibrant human being that I know is in here somewhere.

Spring is such a hopeful time of year. Our brains spin webs of infinite creativity and promise. Anything seems possible. For example, a nine week intensive, torture-chamber-esque Bikram yoga teacher training seems possible. But how could I ever handle this kind of commitment when I can't even will myself to go to class more than four times a week? You did the 60 day challenge, you did the 60 day challenge, I keep telling myself. If you put it at the forefront of your mind, in the most important position in your life, you can do it.

I know that I can't get the energy I need from a pill or some highly caffeinated liquid. What works is getting my hiney in the studio and sweating my way back to greatness. All I have to do is walk out my door, then I'm halfway there. Do it, do it, do it!

Blood type: warm

2010-04-19T21:37:00.000-04:00

I am an odd human being. I am disproportionally cold on a regular basis. I usually am bundled up under three blankets, with a hoody on over my sweats when I'm home, even when it's 70 degrees out. Friends have touched my hand and declared that I was a vampire, my skin was radiating a frigid chill. Every night, in order to get feeling back into my hands and feet, I have to take a bath to reheat myself. What can I possibly do to get warm on a regular basis? Bikram yoga, that's what.

God, that heated room feels good. Even though lately I've been taking more knees than I'd care to admit, the heat of the room makes me feel more like a mammal with warm blood rather than a reptile with cold.

This brings me to another subject. How the heck do you eat before an evening class? I am fine with the morning and noon classes. I usually just begin the day with a banana or other piece of fruit and I have a fantastic, efficient class. But whenever I try for a class at 4:00 or later, I'm either so hungry that I get dizzy and have to take a knee, or I am too full and I get nauseous and have to take a knee. I try to not eat four hours before class, but that's easier said than done. If I have to take a later class, it's usually because I am running around doing errands or rehearsals which prevent me from planning my eating. Argh! If anyone has any suggestions, please share, because I need to get all of this under control before I go to BIKRAM YOGA TEACHER TRAINING IN THE FALL. I'm putting it out there. I've known that I wanted to be some sort of yoga teacher ever since I was first introduced to it back in 2000. But life took a different direction for ten years and now, in 2010, I'm realizing that dream again. Sure, it will be expensive. But I think something that allows me to enrich myself while inspiring others is a path that is truly calling to me now. More on this later.

Until then, namaste!

Good Girl

2010-04-15T20:48:00.000-04:00

It's amazing what Bikram class can bring up. I mean, bring up out of the depths of your stomach right to where you have to stare at it smack in the face and deal with it. I've mentioned before the camel pose, and how it illicits such feelings as nausea, dizziness and as in today, sadness and reverence.

Earlier this week my dear friends Brian and Roy lost their beloved Maddie. I have know Maddie for about eight years or so and even though she is half American bulldog and half german shepherd, she was more like a comrade of sorts. In my couch-hopping days, I would crash at Brian and Roy's and Maddie was a part of my daily existence. She would anticipate my entrance, she would try to get as close to me as possible, despite her size, and try as hard as she could to get into my lap and smother me in kisses. When I didn't feel well or was going through some "issues," as single actresses in New York often do, it was as if she knew and did her best to be there for me. I don't know how else to explain it, she just knew.

When Brian told me the news on Monday, I don't think it really sunk in. Sure, she showed up in my dream that night, but I guess that's to be expected. It wasn't until today when I was taking my Bikram class at a different hour than I usually did (to celebrate my friend's 101th day of Bikram classes), all of a sudden I was feeling her loss. We are asked to dedicate our practice to someone in our lives and today it was for Maddie. Yes, she is a dog. But now she's a guardian angel. I really will miss her. It's odd. I've never had a pet in my life (other than a pet rabbit that I more or less forgot about when I went to summer camp). I felt that Maddie was my girl as well as Brian and Roy's. She will be missed.

Money money...money money...ahh!

2010-04-10T21:22:00.000-04:00

Check out this video we put together after our trip to Atlantic City!

Click here to donate to Checking In, the movie

Inch by Inch

2010-04-10T17:48:00.000-04:00

On Friday, my new Bikram friend and I decided to take pictures of ourselves in some of the Bikram postures to see for ourselves how we've progressed since we began to get serious about this form of yoga. I really wish I had taken pictures at the very beginning of my love affair with Bikram and also at the beginning of my challenge, but this should suffice. Of course I only wanted to document the poses that I enjoyed doing (none of that dreaded awkward pose), so here goes:

First off, the standing head to knee pose:

I've really come a long way in this one. At the beginning of my practice, I could only do the first part of the posture, where you pick up your foot, and was never able to kick it out in front of me. I'm starting to bend my elbows now. Next step is to get the elbows below the calves and get my head to my knee.

Next is my favorite, the standing bow pulling pose:

I love this posture because it really makes you work on your concentration and patience. If I'm not feeling woozy, this posture really gets me going. I just feel invigorated when I can hold the pose for the entire minute.

Next is the standing separate leg stretching pose (I can never remember the name of this one!):

This pose took some patience and perseverance. At first I could only touch the floor in front of me and stretch that way. Now, I am holding the backs of my heels and really touching my head to the floor. This is usually the point in the class when the sweat is pouring into my eyes.

Next is the triangle pose:

I have recently been receiving accolades on this posture, although it tormented me in the past. I have problems with my knee, so I'm constantly struggling with bending the knee low enough to get a true "L" shape. I'm happy with this pose now.

Next up is the locust pose (with help from my instructor Anna):

This is another one that I used to hate and now actually enjoy doing. Anna was helping me during this photo session because I had just chugged a bottle of Vitamin Water and balancing on my belly was a bit uncomfortable.

This is the floor bow pose:

As I mentioned before, my knees pain me during class, so this pose gives me a nice opportunity to stretch them out (along with everything else in my body). It's also at a point in the class when I'm starting to see the finish line.

Next up is the camel pose:

I'm really happy with this pose, although I see that I do need to push my hips forward more. I love what this pose brings up in me. Sometimes I come out of it feeling great and rejuvenated, other times I feel like I'm going to lose my lunch (or my banana breakfast). Whatever I end up feeling, I know it's flushing out all of my toxins. What a rush!

Last but not least is the rabbit pose:

To be honest, this really isn't one of my favorite poses, but I'm starting to feel more of a correct stretch while doing it. I never get to see myself in this pose, so looking at this picture is really amazing to me. I always feel like I'm not doing it right or I'm not stretching at all, but this photo proves otherwise.

This was such a fun "photo shoot", that we're going to try to do at least once a month to chart our progress. I can't wait to see how my body changes in the months to come.

Mind Over Matter

2010-04-06T16:41:00.000-04:00

I have been having problems with Bikram class lately. I've had to take numerous knees, I am constantly feeling dizzy, fidgety, overheated, light-headed, you name it. I was wondering if it had something to do with my diet, but I'm eating healthily and drinking plenty of water. What is it then?

My mom made a good point when I was discussing this issue with her this morning. "Your head's not in it anymore." When I was doing the 60 day challenge, I was focused, pointed. Everything in my life revolved around Bikram yoga. And as a result, I didn't take a knee during the entire 60 days. Now, my head is all over the place. NYC is experiencing beautiful weather right now, so my mind is frolicking in the tulip patches instead of breathing deeply in class. I am trying to get out more and be more social these days, so my mind is fast forwarding ahead to the plans I have this evening rather than focusing on my reflection in the mirror. What I need to get back to is the present. The miraculous thing about Bikram yoga is that it forces you to live in the present. You need to focus, pay attention to the instructor's words and do everything he or she says or else your mind leaves you to go run beside a brook outside and your body is left struggling through standing head to knee pose.

It's easy to get discouraged during these times. It's so tempting to play hooky from class and enjoy the weather in my new park, but I need to keep going. This is where I am reaping the most benefits of class. It's easy to go when it's blizzarding outside and the idea of a 104 degree room sounds heavenly. It's quite another thing to forgo the mid-70 degree weather to sweat in a stifling, claustrophobic room. Funny how perspective changes, isn't it? It's all mind over matter. I've proven to myself that I can do this class...for 61 days in a row, to be exact. I know I can do it. What is holding me back? My mind, that's what. It's time for me to take control again and live in the present. Why is that so difficult sometimes?

Inwood Hill Park

2010-04-04T17:22:00.000-04:00

In an effort to fall back in love with NYC, I decided to embrace the warm weather we are currently having and embark on a walk. My first thought was to visit The Cloisters up near 190th street, but instead, I found myself following a young hipster who led me to a park just ten minutes from my apartment, Inwood Hill Park. I knew this park existed because I could see it from the train platform at the Marble Hill Station, however I didn't know that you could WALK to it in just ten minutes. I thought access to it was an intricate weave through densely shrouded areas...definitely not something I'd advise to any single girl living in NYC.

Easter Sunday brought out so many people, but the park was not what I'd call crowded. Patches of green were surrounded by paths where one could sit on a bench and stare out at the Hudson River, the Henry Hudson Bridge and the neighborhood of Spuyten Duyvil.

But the park also boasted tennis courts, baseball fields, basketball courts, a dog run, access to water sports (kayaking and the like) as well as the paths which led you on beautiful nature hikes through the cliffs. Right nearby was the Columbia University football stadium, running track and tennis center.

I was most excited to see a cute little cafe across the street from the entrance to the park called the Indian Road Cafe and Market and an adorable antique store next door called Scavengers. I had stumbled on to a whole new community right nearby that I never knew existed. I dreamt of one day brunching at the cafe, antique shopping at the Scavengers and sunning myself in the park after a hearty round of tennis. I picked up some lunch items at a nearby grocery store, stopped home to get a magazine and a towel to sun myself on and returned to the park to enjoy the rest of the sun-drenched day.

After two months of veritable hibernation, I was so happy to have a day like today to explore my 'burgh and find such hidden treasures...although, since Inwood Hill Park is one of NYC's largest parks, it's not really hidden. I'm happy to have "found" it after living in NYC for nearly 12 years.

Atlantic City!

2010-04-04T00:05:00.000-04:00

The last time I was in Atlantic City was the year 2004 when I was singing and dancing at the Resorts Hotel and Casino portraying a menopausal soap star. You can imagine how glad I was to return to this city of dreams and heartache for a far more age-appropriate cause, site scouting for Checking In, the movie!

We started the day in sunny NYC, wide-eyed and eager to begin our quest, fueled by bagels fresh from the oven. We laughed and brainstormed as we got closer to Atlantic City, noting with slight disappointment the way the sun gave way to fog, blurring the top of the casino skyline.

We started with the casino where it all originally transpired over a decade ago, Harrah's at the marina. This is where Brian and his high school friends had their fateful reunion which gave birth to a play, a book and now a movie. We were immediately welcomed with this sign

We took it as an auspicious sign. At the beginning of the story, the characters of Summer and Brooke haul in a cooler right through the middle of the casino, much to the horror of the other girls. Brian pointed out various locations where he had based certain scenes and we took the appropriate notes while Christina tested out angles with her video camera and Roy and I provided entertainment.

Even though we were pretty much sold on Harrah's, we wanted to look at a few other casinos just to make sure. First we fueled up at an Irish Pub on the Boardwalk and then scouted out Trump's Taj Mahal where we were awed by the chandeliers welcoming us to the casino floor

and Caesar's Palace, which is a place I could see visiting if I were to do my own mini-vacation. However, these two casinos just didn't seem to provide the kind of homeyness and space that best suited our purposes. Harrah's just had that something, which is probably because it's where it all began so many years ago.

So, keep your fingers crossed for us. Step two of our scouting adventure requires getting all the legal allowances to film in the casino.

Help Kick-Start Checking In, the movie. Click here to donate!

Checking In...

2010-04-02T12:04:00.000-04:00

About ten years ago, my friend Brian and I were walking along the street in Williamsburg, Virginia. "I'm thinking about writing a play about a reunion my high school friends and I just had in Atlantic City." He talked about how this group of friends was an unlikely gang of misfits who found comfort and a sense of belonging in each others' company. During this reunion in Atlantic City, a lot of hilarity ensued, but also some hard truths came out that he and the girls had to deal with.

Fast forward to 2009 when the play, "Checking In," performs to sold out houses during the Midtown International Theatre Festival in NYC. He had asked me to play the role of Catherine, a very sweet, yet very secretive member of the group who is precariously holding a tremendous amount of grief inside herself. After the buzz we created, we knew that the story had a future. So, the cast and crew of "Checking In" brainstormed together and came up with the idea to make it into an arthouse film. Brian teamed up with the talented Christina Morano from Big Bean Productions to make this idea a reality.

Today we find ourselves on the brink of something really special. The cast is set. The location is set. We just need money. Not a lot, just enough to pay the legal fees, equipment costs and general pop-ups that no one can foresee. We want to keep this low budget but not low quality.

How can you help! Two ways. The first is to attend our fundraising kick off on Saturday, May 15. Tickets are $40 and we're doing an old style prom complete with a balloon arch, photographs, drink specials, excellent music and a raffle. It's being held in NYC at the Irish Rogue, 356 W 44th street (close to 9th avenue) starting at 8 p.m.

The second is by donating your hard earned money to our cause. Even a pledge of $20 helps us, and as well as receiving our heartfelt thanks, you can collect some pretty cool prizes. All it takes is a click on this website. Why not give some pocket change to such a fun endeavor?

I Took a Knee Today

2010-03-31T15:06:00.000-04:00

You read that correctly. After making it through the 60 day challenge without taking a knee, today I succumbed to the heat, the humidity and apparently, a too empty stomach and had to take a knee and sit out one of the postures while I struggled to regain my equilibrium.

I don't know how it happened. I woke up in a great mood, did a few projects this morning before class and headed off to my beloved studio with a smile on my face. The groovy teacher was leading the class and I like her, so I was happy. I got my coveted corner and actually made a comment to my friend in his coveted corner how cool the room felt.

Little did I know that just a few minutes later I would be experiencing dizziness, and fighting to stay upright. Granted, we had a few false starts during class with some latecomers demonstrating that the door was unlocked outside and so, the teacher had to run out and lock it...twice. But come on, that shouldn't throw me. I'm practically a pro now. I should have used that time to concentrate on my breathing, find my connection in the mirror and focus. But instead my inner voice was complaining about the lack of continuity and my focus was shot. As soon as we resumed class, almost immediately, my ears began plugging up...first the right one, then the left one, then both. I tried to focus on the mantra, "Detachment, detachment," but to no avail. Soon I began to see my body literally sway side to side and after trying a few postures half-heartedly, I decided that the only way to continue was to take the dreaded knee.

As soon as I sat down I knew I wasn't going to die. And I was able to join the second set of the standing separate leg stretching pose.

The teacher blessedly opened the window next to me and I felt a second wind (literally) egging me on to the end. I even went further than I ever have before in the fixed firm pose and actually got my hiney to touch the ground. Granted, it barely brushed the floor, but there was contact made!

I guess the lesson learned today is one of detachment. Class isn't going to be exactly the same every day. I'm not going to perform the same every day. By fighting the present moment, all I'm doing is fighting myself. I need to let go, listen to the words and trust.

Home Away From Home

2010-03-29T20:19:00.000-04:00

With the risk of sounding schmaltzy, I adore every part of my Bikram Yoga experience. I love buzzing to get into the building, I love ascending the staircase to the studio, I love being greeted by friends as soon as I walk into the studio. Today there was the lovely aroma of incense wafting through the air as I signed in and then entered the room to lay out my mat. I love my little corner in the front right of the room by the windows. (I especially love it when I actually get it and no one else has claimed it for herself). I love chatting with my friend who covets his little corner in the back right of the room.

I love meditating before class and letting the heat of the room slowly permeate my body as I adjust to the temperature. I love the beads of sweat forming on my body to signify my readiness to perspire beyond my wildest dreams. I love it when my favorite teacher enters the room and sweetly tells us all to watch our eyes as she turns on the lights. I always feel a little sense of excitement right before we begin the pranayama breathing exercise. What will this class bring? Will I make it through? Will I have to take a knee? Will I execute the postures effectively? As I tilt my head back for the first time during the exhalation, I feel the back of my neck releasing all of the tension that a night of sleep deposited there.

I make my way through difficult postures such as the dreaded awkward pose and fixed firm pose, but I know that by doing these poses every day, I am making obvious improvements to my body, most notably, my knees. I stare at myself in the mirror and repeat my mantra, "I am strong. I am powerful. I can do anything."

At the end of class, I try to catch at least one person's eye to share that bliss that comes with making it through class. We are joined in sweat. Connected by heat. And I get to do it all over again tomorrow!

Back to Bikram

2010-03-27T19:22:00.000-04:00

It's so funny. Whenever I visit home, no matter if it's for a few days or a few weeks, I always come back to my life in New York refreshed and as if I'm experiencing it all for the first time. My apartment feels different, I'm eager to get in touch with friends and deviate from the hermit-like existence I usually seek out, I want to get involved in all sorts of cultural events, etc that the city offers. The biggest welcome back rush I felt was when I walked into my beloved Bikram Bronx Studio. Friendly faces greeted me at the door asking about my trip and people quickly caught me up on their personal 30 day or 101 day challenges as well as the scuttlebutt of the studio.

I was a little nervous about class. I had spent part of my vacation home showing my dad the poses and having him try them along with me. I think ever since he read the article about football players taking Bikram yoga, he wanted to get in on the game. I only wish there was a Bikram studio close to the house where he could experience a real class on a regular basis. The ones I know of in San Antonio are highly recommended but way on the other side of town. We did the series of postures in the living room much to my mother's horror as we tried to balance near some breakable art pieces, but it wasn't the same without the hot room. I didn't know how I would handle the heat after being out of it for eight days. I had built up such a stamina during my 60 day challenge, who knew what a week (plus) off would do to me.

Amazingly, I had great stamina but my balance was way off. I was relieved to see that I hadn't lost too much ground in poses such as the standing head to knee pose

and the triangle pose.

However, I did feel a little woozy right at the end of the standing series and was very grateful for the savasana that followed.

I really do love Bikram yoga. I missed it when I was away. Relatives noticed the changes in my body, but I really noticed the changes in my sleep patterns and general health. Perhaps it's all in my head, but after vacation, I felt the beginnings of a head cold and had a horrific migraine. Maybe it was all the rich food without the Bikram yoga to flush it all out, maybe it was the change in my routine. All I know is that I'm glad to be back in that hot room where I belong!

It's Not Beautiful Being Easy

2010-03-24T10:17:00.000-04:00

The Big Easy. New Orleans. N'Awlins. NOLA. Such a party atmosphere. Rich Creole food, hurricanes (the liquid variety) running aplenty, a general laissez faire attitude yet a strong resilience among the people. I was very much looking forward to this trip, partly to sample the culture of such a well known and infamous town, but mostly to spend time with my family. Living in NYC while they're all the way in San Antonio, Texas can be challenging. I am lucky to be so close to my family and every visit home is truly cherished. However, I have officially become an old fuddy duddy.

Maybe it's because I don't drink anymore and NOLA is such an alcohol-sodden town. Maybe it's because I've been flirting with a vegan lifestyle and the French style of cooking so prevalent in NOLA tempts me constantly with rich, creamy butter and egg-based sauces. Maybe it's because it was colder there than it was in NYC. Don't get me wrong, I had a wonderful time celebrating my cousin Eldon's marriage to his wife Kate and their newly renovated house,

but I just don't think New Orleans is my kind of town. I enjoyed the beads decorating every fence and tree we happened upon.

I enjoyed the kindness and relaxed demeanor of the people. I enjoyed the forbidden beignets and the powerful chicory coffee.

I enjoyed hanging out with my sister and laughing at jokes only we knew the punchlines to. I even enjoyed the road trip with the family with no one agreeing on what music to listen to or whether it was too hot or cold in the vehicle. I am just old. I can't hang like I used to. But that's okay. I have different priorities now. Although the dancing bubbles of the champagne did call out to me, the ability to wake up early without a headache and with a clear mind able to enjoy all the site seeing we did the next day was definitely worth the sacrifice. Big Easy? Not so easy. But like the people who call this troubled city their home, resiliency pays off. And inner strength can make all the difference between a good vacation and a great one. This was a great one...not necessarily because of where I was, but because of who I was with.

A Week In Limbo

2010-03-13T17:34:00.000-05:00

I'm ashamed of myself. As soon as my 60 day Bikram yoga challenge ended, I also stopped blogging. My friend Brian called me today and gently admonished me. "Umm...I checked your blog and you haven't updated in a week. What's up?" A lot! I have continued to go to my Bikram class, don't worry, but not on the daily basis of which I blogged. I knew that as soon as I finished my challenge, my life would once again open up to that hysterical New York City lifestyle I had taken my sabbatical from. My Bikram challenge was a wonderful retreat in the Bronx for me. I know, one doesn't usually think of the Bronx as a vacation destination, but it was exactly what I needed. I started each day with a Bikram yoga class, followed it with some blogging and then worked my day job as at-home transcriber. I didn't audition, I didn't think about any plays, I doubt if I ever sang in the shower, I devoted every second to Bikram yoga and easing my stressed-out self into a new Natalie.

The new Natalie has emerged. I celebrated with having some headshots taken to show off my Body by Bikram.

I was once again plunged back into the world of auditioning and the excruciating practice of waiting for the phone to ring with that job offer. I got a call out of the clear blue sky from an old cruise ship contact asking if I was available for an unbelievable job aboard a luxury cruise liner. I flirted with this possibility for a full week until I heard from the company. Finally I could pay off all my debt! I could start a savings account! I could buy a house! I could do Bikram teacher training! I could take the train every day instead of the subway! But then the realities crept into my head. I'd have to leave NYC, a place where I've spent the past two years making connections and essentially planting the garden of my career only to rip it all up to sail around the world. When my connection called and said that the ship decided to go with another entertainer, I knew that the decision was the best and glad as hell I wasn't the one who had to make it. The universe gives us signs I think. Although I would've loved the adventure, money and challenge of what this job would have offered, there was something in my head telling me to stay in NYC...give the city a few more chances...or maybe it was the fact that my passport had expired.

Day 61???

2010-03-05T15:09:00.000-05:00

I know, you're probably all thinking I'm crazy. But I have to say, it was so much fun walking into the Bronx Bikram studio and have everyone there laugh and applaud me for not being done with Bikram after I had completed the 60 day challenge. The number one rule of doing a challenge such as my 60 days is that you always come back for day 61. Bikram yoga is in my blood now. I have begun to crave it like I used to crave my coffee in the morning. I wish I could do the 101 day challenge like many of my fellow yogis are (check out their blogs here), but not this year. I really had to put Bikram yoga first and foremost every single day to make sure I got through the challenge. Realistically, I see myself doing it 5-6 times a week.

"What will you write about next?" Well, I want to try all sorts of different forms of yoga to see how they compare to my beloved Bikram. I want to sow my oats, if you will, before I commit myself to this form of yoga. My teacher today was saying how she practices all different kinds of yoga and how she loves mixing it up a bit, but that nothing compared to Bikram at the end of the day, and the depth you get with the postures that you just can't get in an unheated room.

So, stay tuned! I feel like as soon as I completed my challenge, immediately new projects started piling up for me to tackle. I have a movie that I'm working on, based on the audience-beloved play Checking In by playwright Brian Hampton, a cabaret that I'm working on and a reading of a new script slated. My life is constantly shifting and changing. What I think is happening today may not be the case tomorrow, so you know you'll always find some kind of wild story here. What I do know is that amidst all of the instability in my life, I have my breath, my patience and my focus that I gained in Bikram yoga class.

DAY 60!

2010-03-04T15:36:00.000-05:00

On my 35th birthday, I decided to treat myself to a Bikram yoga class before my birthday dinner. I've never had a tougher class. I had to sit down through most of the separate leg standing series and even missed out on the class singing me Happy Birthday during the triangle pose because I was desperately trying to catch my breath and was busy swigging down water. If you had told me on that day that I would be praised doing the triangle pose two months later I never would have believed you. I knew that I was going to do the 60 day challenge, but I didn't think I'd make it the whole time without ever taking a knee.

I must say, I got a little emotional during class today. The groovy teacher announced to everyone that I was embarking on my 60th day and when the class started applauding, I got tears in my eyes. I struggled to keep it together during the introductory deep breathing, but a few tears escaped down my cheeks. I couldn't help but compare this class to the final performance of so many shows I've done. I wanted to remember every single moment, be present for every single second and hold on to every last detail. Unlike those shows, I know that I'm going to do this class again (probably tomorrow), but it still felt monumental.

It's fitting that this final class fell on March fourth (March FORTH!). I am indeed marching forth in my life. This challenge has opened me up in so many ways, I can't even believe it. When I did my first class ever on April 1, 2009, I covered myself head to toe, wearing an incongruous spandex jump suit because I was ashamed to show my belly rolls. Today, on my 60th challenge day, I wore a sports bra and low-rise shorts. I noticed the definition in my stomach during such poses as the half moon pose and could not for the life of me, find those belly rolls I had once hidden away.

But the changes are so much more than physical. I have mentioned that friends have noticed my "yoga glow". I can't remember the last time I wore makeup. Even things that used to stress me out like job interviews, voiceover class or singing engagements I now meet with deep breathing and a very relaxed demeanor. Don't get me wrong, I still get nervous and stressed out, but now I have the tools to get through these situations without losing sleep or making myself sick.

What is the most exciting thing about this challenge is the amount of support I've received from friends, family members and even people I had not heard from for years. I have inspired one college friend to contemplate opening her own Bikram studio, another friend to give Bikram yoga classes a shot and other friends to inspire themselves in courageous endeavors such as triathlons and marathons. I have a friend who could not move a month ago due to a thrown-out back, currently on her 17th day of her own 30 day challenge. This is what it's all about. We inspire each other. You all inspire me with your endeavors, and your support of me drives me to succeed. Yes, times are tough now, but we are such powerful beings when we support each other in the way that you all have supported me. Success is contagious. You succeed at one thing and it's almost as if you're saying to the universe, "Yes, I'm worthy! Look at what I can do! Give me more!" It literally opens the door to so much more, more than you ever dreamed possible in your wildest dreams.

The statistics of my challenge: I've lost only five pounds, but somehow have gone down two dress sizes. I have ridiculous amounts of confidence and patience, two things I had a hard time hanging on to in the past. According to a website, I was burning 925 calories each class. I am craving good stuff for me like fresh oranges, bananas and spinach salad. I have made some new friends and have aspirations to teach Bikram yoga one day. I have been transformed. I wonder if you'd even recognize me now.

Day Fifty-nine

2010-03-03T17:31:00.000-05:00

So close! Today the groovy teacher led the class in praising me for being almost at the end of my 60 day challenge, but that didn't make the class any easier. I had a slight headache before class, just a little bit of pressure in my sinuses probably due to all of the changes in weather lately and it was making itself very apparent throughout the 90 minutes. The pep rally teacher was taking class right next to me and there was a new girl behind me who was told to watch me as an example, so perhaps I felt a little bit of pressure, but it worked out for the best and I was able to blast through the fog in my head. I was strong in the single leg balancing series but really got winded and almost had to take a knee during the separate leg standing series. I just kept focusing really hard at trying to be a good example and getting through my 60 day challenge and I made it. It must have been a tough day for everyone though because at this point in class, half of the class was sitting down.

I was really exhausted during the floor series, having used up all of my energy during the standing series. But then, just when I was about to give up, the groovy teacher praised me on my rabbit pose.

It was as if the clouds had parted and the angels had started singing. There's nothing like a quick shot of praise to get you to the finish line. One day left. I wonder what it will bring.

Day Fifty-eight

2010-03-02T13:35:00.000-05:00

Ladies, this post is for you. Now, I love Bikram and his yoga, but some of his postures really remind me that it was a man who designed this form of yoga. Spine strengthening series where we have to lie flat on our stomachs and then do poses which require us to balance on our bosoms springs to mind. However, today I had to commend the man. He truly is a genius. I woke up with the WORST cramps ever and just generally feeling achy and putrid all over. Of course I did not want to go yoga, all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed with my heating pad and eat ibuprofen as if it were candy. But I went to class because, come on, I'm two days away from the end of my 60 day challenge. I wasn't going to let ol' Aunt Flo keep me down.

You may not believe me when I say that I immediately felt better. But I immediately felt better. I don't know if it was the heat, the relaxing pranayama breathing which commenced the class or the groovy teacher we had, but my cramps were forgotten within the first five minutes of class. Our first posture, the half moon pose felt so amazingly good, I felt like I was stretching away all of the cramps and flushing out all of the stagnant blood my body was in the process of shedding. (Sorry, Dad)

From then on, each posture felt better and better. I felt my body just opening up and embracing the day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the snow was melting, and then BAM! The girl behind me crashed into me as she fell out of her standing bow pulling pose posture.

It scared me a bit, but I laughed it off and continued through the class. However, this girl kept creeping into my space, crashing into me coming out of poses and laying her arms on my mat and feet during the sit ups in the floor series. Don't let anyone steal your peace, I kept murmuring to myself. Obviously, with my current situation, this was not the day to mess with me. But instead of screaming, "Stay off my mat!" I smiled my Mona Lisa smile and laughed at how some people have no sense of personal space. It reminded me of many shows I have done in the past where instead of choreography, we were instructed to "ad lib dance". Not a good idea on a crowded stage and not a good idea in a crowded Bikram yoga room. But hey, we all survived and I am still cramp-free!

Day Fifty-seven

2010-03-01T17:09:00.000-05:00

Coffee is good. It energizes, clears the mind, warms you up, gets the day rolling. Coffee before a Bikram class? Not a good idea. I think I'm being a little cavalier these days because my challenge is coming to a close, so I'm eschewing my former pre-class rituals and having that cake for breakfast complete with two huge mugfuls of delicious coffee.

I was definitely wide awake and energetic before class, but soon my heart started hammering away and my body really wanted to sit down and ride out the rush. It happened right after the first water break and I had time to contemplate my hammering heart and my unwise decision to add caffeine to the mix. We had the pep rally teacher today and I always tend to push myself to my full potential when she's leading class, so I was very strong in my standing head to knee pose where I actually got my elbows beneath my calves for a few seconds.

However, once we finished the balancing stick pose I was seriously contemplating taking a knee. But I thought, no! I'm so close to the end! Stick it out! Use your tricks! So, I used every trick in the book that I knew and made it. I even got complimented on two poses I used to dread; my triangle pose

and my locust pose

The owner of our studio was talking about drinking coffee before class and how it actually dehydrates the body, which can make a Bikram class where you're sweating buckets extra challenging. I guess I'll have to hold off on my coffee from now on until after class.

Day Fifty-six

2010-02-28T18:48:00.000-05:00

I am officially old. Last night, my friend Brian and I decided to have a "wild night" and ended up wrapping it up at midnight. Still, after an hour and a half commute home, I was hurting today. My toes and feet were cramped from my cute black leather boots I wore and I was weary with sleep deprivation. I decided to pamper myself a bit and hold off on taking class until 4:00.

Last night I had the honor of being invited to the invited dress rehearsal for the new Broadway musical Come Fly Away, a exhilarating dance spectacle directed, conceived and choreographed by Twyla Tharp. I felt so important hobnobbing with the who's who in the Broadway world and even got to run into some old friends from my 42nd Street days. After that, Brian and I quickly hailed a cab to Brooklyn (I know...Brooklyn???) to see our friends perform with their band My Pet Dragon. What a night! My 55 days of yoga so far had paid off when friends were commenting on how vibrant I looked and that I had that "yoga glow". Thanks Bikram!

Class was quite entertaining although I was battling foot and toe pain in postures like my favorite (said with eyes rolled), the awkward pose. The second expression of the posture where we balance on our toes was especially challenging.

We had a fun teacher who kept things light and free, but perhaps a bit too much so when certain males in our class began a chorus of groaning and moaning after each posture. I felt like a porno was being filmed in the back of the room. It was silly and cute at first, but then as the males were getting more and more attention and giggles, the moans and groans got louder and more intense. Bless. I guess that kind of behavior is better than the fistfight I witnessed on the way home after class. Did I mention I am in the Bronx?

Day Fifty-five

2010-02-27T13:23:00.000-05:00

I was going to write today's blog all about the euphoria that I feel after class and the wonderful sense of accomplishment I feel after each day is completed and I'm closer and closer to my goal, but that would seem kind of selfish today.

I want to send all my good energy to my amazing mother who is undergoing some tests today to find out why she hasn't been feeling so well lately. My mother is such an important part of my life. She hardly ever talks about herself or complains about her aches and pains but listens intently to my daily kvetching about feeling a little too hot now and then. I talk to her every day and she has been so incredibly supportive of this challenge I'm taking and basically, anything I try to do out here in the asphalt jungle of New York City. If I'm complaining about feeling dizzy during class, she gets all nervous and continuously asks if I'm feeling better every day...long after I've forgotten about it. It's almost like I don't have to worry about anything in my life because I know she's worrying enough for the both of us. She takes all of heartache, my woe, my jubilations and success and locks them away in her heart. I love her so much. Please be okay, Mama. I'll be home soon.

Day Fifty-four

2010-02-26T15:58:00.000-05:00

Today was bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. It all started with the incredible dumping of snow on New York City and the continuous onslaught of those menacing, thick, white flakes. No classes were cancelled today, thank God, so I climbed over mountains of snow and forded deep pools of slushy nonsense to reach my destination, the Bronx Bikram studio.

I walked in the room to set up my mat and to my alarm, there was no space left in the front row. People had already set up their mats to fill the entire front row! I panicked for a second but then took a deep breath and set up my mat in the second row next to the windows in a spot where I could still see myself in the mirror.

When the pep rally teacher walked in to the very crowded classroom she announced that she was going to shake things up a bit and teach the class in a teach/take style, where she will be doing the postures right along with us. She would still talk throughout, guiding us through the postures, but it was going to be very interactive and she would even have a few students demonstrate poses in the class. The class started out a little rocky because we were all getting our lefts and our rights mixed up, but then we hit a groove and everybody got a little bit of a competitive edge as she started singling people out to demonstrate in what she called, the Bikram olympics.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't trying my hardest to get called on. My focus and balance started off a bit shaky, maybe due to the fact that I was trying desperately to let go of my attachment of always being in the front row, but then I really went for it. But since I have only really just begun my practice, I was not one of the chosen few. It was amazing though to see how flexible some of my fellow classmates were and it again reinforced just how much further I need to go to get to that level. I've come a long way baby, but these people were BENDY.

One of the best interactive moments of the class was when we paired up during the half tortoise pose. When person A would do the pose, person B would massage their lower back and work up the spine to help A get into the posture more fully. I've made some great forward steps in this posture, but because of my knees, I never quite get all the way into it. The massage made me nervous because I feared the extra pressure being put on my knees. However, it felt luxurious and I got further into the posture than ever before, which only showed how much I was holding back due to fear. What a breakthrough!

On day 54 of my 60 day challenge, this variance from the normal was exactly what I needed to reinforce my ongoing obsession with Bikram yoga. Class today was so light and free. No one took a knee. We all worked together and supported each other with much laughing and applause. Apparently, this is how Bikram himself leads his classes. Where can I sign up?

Day Fifty-three

2010-02-25T12:55:00.000-05:00

I was so relaxed today that I literally fell asleep during my meditation before class. The room was the perfect temperature, not too warm, not too cold. The snow was falling lazily outside. Big wet flakes decorated the sky like a snow globe. I had my favorite teacher who spoke to our small class of 15 in warm, comforting tones. What a great way to start the day! She is getting ready to go out to Barcelona for her recertification and was telling us all great stories about Bikram himself and how he conducts his class. I just felt great. My postures were strong and because the heat wasn't an issue today, I felt like I could get really deep into some of them that I hadn't dared to before when I was battling vertigo and nausea.

All that said, I am really getting tired of winter in New York. I have been reading another blog, http://ilovesweat.com/wordpress/ where the writer is a fellow yogi who lives in central California and bikes to and from Bikram class each day with the wind gently drying him off after class. To say that I'm jealous of anyone who is in a location where they don't have to bundle up to trudge through disgusting Bronx slush to get to and from class is an understatement. Still, my mood is high today as I realize that I only have a week left of my challenge! Friends are asking me how I'll celebrate once it's done, but I really think that not much will change. I've gotten addicted to Bikram yoga and I believe that while I may take a day off here and there, I will continue a daily practice. I'd be a fool not to. I look at myself in the mirror and see a different person standing there than two months ago. I am stronger, calmer, saner and fitter. I believe in my self so much more today than I did at the beginning of the year. I see a road stretching out before me full of possibilities, possibilities that I never deemed possible at the beginning of this challenge. I dare say I love myself. As our teacher said today, "Look in the mirror and see that strong person in front of you. Don't look around. That person is you!"

Day Fifty-two

2010-02-24T15:28:00.000-05:00

After a night of aches and pains and typing until 1 a.m., I was a bit leery of class today. Would my body parts cooperate? Would I have enough energy to get through class? I woke up feeling pretty good, but still, Bikram class is a true litmus test for how healthy your body really is. Many times I have felt energetic going into class only to have the wind completely knocked out of me. Would today be the same?

Well, yes and no. My sciatic has stopped hurting and my right knee was in a good mood today, so I wasn't receiving any interference from them. The room was a bit hot, but not as bad as yesterday. Still, during the second part of class, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. The teacher we had today speaks nice and slow...sometimes excruciatingly so and she also is a stickler about us listening to her words and going at exactly the same rate at which she speaks. I was relieved when we got to the standing separate leg stretching pose which is strategically placed to calm down the heart after the standing balancing series revs the heart rate up.

I felt bad for our teacher who was battling a cold today. I'm probably jinxing myself by saying this, but I have to say, that since I began my practice and implemented my new diet, I have felt 100 percent healthy every day. I have had aches and pains and bouts of temper tantrums, but my immune system has been very strong despite the various strains of flu virus going around. They say that stress is the real source of many of our ailments. I can truly say that I have alleviated most of the stress of my life during these past two months. Perhaps this is why! Bikram yoga, the best form of health care around.

Day Fifty-one

2010-02-23T13:16:00.000-05:00

Today was the battle between the right knee and the left sciatic nerve. Oh, and the heat was, as our teacher put it, "like walking into a pizza oven," so there was that to contend with as well. What a day. Luckily, the heat took a back seat as my attention went to the battle between body parts and the sweat just poured off me to help me get through class.

The sciatic took the first punch as I barely could straighten my legs in the Hands to feet pose, the first pose of class and one I usually enjoy.

The knee answered back quickly during the awkward pose, but because of my acupuncture treatment, I was able to get further down in the posture than normal, and the pain was less severe.

The sciatic backed off during the standing head to knee pose, a pose I was worried about today because I had experienced sciatic pain with it yesterday. I was able to do the full posture for the entire time. A new feat!

The sciatic was quietly murmuring during the third part of class, the standing separate leg series. Not much pain, but a little discomfort.

Again, I was hit hard during the locust pose as my sciatic screamed out at me. I had to lower my legs a bit and during the second time around with the posture, I put more pressure on my shoulders and hands and the pain alleviated a bit in my sciatic.

All in all, my right knee was respectfully obedient during class and cooperated for the most part, allowing me to pay attention to my sciatic pain. I am especially loving two postures which really stretch out my knees, the standing bow pulling pose (I've always loved this one)

And the bow pose.

It was a good battle. But the sciatic, in all its greedy glory, maintained my attention the most. I have to commend the right knee on a gentlemanly fight to which it conceded its loss gracefully.

Day Fifty

2010-02-22T17:01:00.000-05:00

Almost done! Or as my accountant father would put it, 83.3% complete with 16.67% to go. Today was another tough one, but not because of the heat, which ailed my fellow classmates. My left sciatic was acting up and certain postures that have never hurt before were bugging me. Luckily, we had my favorite teacher who noted the high heat in the room and kept opening windows to relieve us. I was doing pretty well through the first half of class but noticed a tingling sensation on the side of my left hamstring during the standing head to knee pose.

By the time we reached the spine strengthening series, my sciatic, perhaps alarmed that I wasn't paying enough attention to it, started screaming at me during the locust pose, a pose I had just conquered in class.

From then on, pretty much every posture aggravated my sciatic. I had no choice but to dial it back a bit and just breathe through it. Bikram class has taught me to really pay attention to what my body is trying to tell me. When certain parts of my body scream at me, I need to listen and ease up the pressure on them. They are trying to comply, but just need a little time. Don't we all?

Day Forty-nine

2010-02-21T13:24:00.000-05:00

Another surprisingly difficult day today. I knew from the beginning it was going to be tough. I have such an acute case of spring fever that I feel like I am jumping out of my skin. Before class I reminded myself to breathe and just listen to the words, a task I failed at yesterday. But during the Pranayama breathing at the very beginning, I felt like my arms were filled with lead and my negative voice starting its own mantra in my head. Are you sure you can do 90 minutes of this? Wouldn't you rather be outside skipping about?

I know when my face turns beet red, that's a bad sign. And it did during the second section of class during the standing balancing series. My balance was good, but I could feel my heart hammering away in my chest. I had to really concentrate on my breathing because my new challenge became to turn my face from the color purple to its natural shade.

During the spine strengthening series (the fourth section) where we spend most of our time lying on our stomachs, my heart felt like it was going to pounce out of my chest, it was beating so hard. At this point, so many people were taking a knee, but I kept through it, knowing that I've been through this before (49 days in a row, as a matter of fact) and it would be over soon. I refocused my energy and hung on to every word the teacher said, causing her to praise me during the final posture, the spine twisting pose.

After class was heavenly. The room was so humid that the teacher opened up some windows during our final savasana to help us out a bit. I felt as if the cool wind was gently kissing my toes as I felt the breeze waft over my body. I almost cried with relief. It felt so good. I continued this endorphin rush and treated myself to a mango-flavored coconut water after class. Delicious!

Day Forty-eight

2010-02-20T16:58:00.000-05:00

I'm so glad I have Bikram and acupuncture in my life to ease away the stress of tax season. This year I get to pay the government a lot of money to go towards great social services such as our roads and infrastructure, police and fire services, a reliable postal service and two wars. USA! USA! USA!

Today's class was a breeze, and by that I mean, I was in la la land and barely registered most of the things the teacher said. I was "in the zone," as they say, but my mind was off fantasizing about Bikram teacher training, a movie that I'll be working on this summer based on my friend Brian's play, "Checking In, " voiceover class and my acupuncture appointment. I got caught a couple times going ahead of the others in the class and "not listening to the words." But, in doing so, I found that I have been going in to a few postures in a wrong manner and was able to adjust my practice. For example, I usually just flop right into the head to knee pose without thinking...probably because it's at the end of class and I'm eager to get on with my day.

But today I learned that the actual placing of the forehead on the knee is the last step. Such a different stretch! Also, I have been going about the final posture of class, the spine twisting pose, all wrong. Again, I just twist away with no abandon. But today I learned that the actual head twist occurs at the last step. Another different sensation!

After class, I treated myself to another acupuncture session with the magical Deb. She worked on my knees today and reminded me to drink plenty of water and finish each class with coconut water or something similar with lots of electrolytes. I was told that I have "the yoga glow"!

Day Forty-seven

2010-02-19T16:02:00.000-05:00

Today was really tough, but I was in such a good mood that I handled it like a champ. I took the noon class (which I love!) and there were only 12 people in the room so we all had plenty of space and no one was touching each other! My favorite teacher was taking class with her husband right behind me and the pep rally teacher was leading us today. It just seemed like a class of champions. There is a girl in this class who is doing a 101 day challenge. Zoinks! And another girl who wears plastic pants (the kind that make you sweat even more). Double Zoinks! Yet, we all felt that the heat was especially high today. Most of the class had to take a knee, but I braved it through the entire 90 minutes despite seeing double and swaying in some postures. I managed to stay on both feet today, unless, of course, the posture called for balancing on one leg.

This particular teacher is such a go getter that I always want to push myself to go deeper in my postures. But, I let silly pride get in my way and after congratulating myself on holding the standing bow pulling pose for the entire alloted time,

I could not, for the life of me, get into the balancing stick pose directly after.

The teacher noticed my efforts and praised my diligence.

I always think of this class as divided into five sections, the first, for me, being the hardest. It's called the warm-up section, but it's always the time during class when I want to throw in the towel. Usually, the earlier I break a sweat, the easier it is. But today just seemed extra challenging. And of course, the warm-up section contains my least favorite posture, the dreaded awkward pose.

Also usually, once I get through this warm-up section, it's smooth sailing from there on out, but today, just staying still in between postures was difficult. I guess it just goes to show that no matter how proficient we think we are in this class, our body is different every day and thus, our practice will be different every day. I'm just glad I made it through!

Day Forty-six

2010-02-18T13:13:00.000-05:00

We are such territorial beings. Especially here in New York. We walk around all day with a bubble of insulation around us and if anyone dare breach that bubble, there is going to be a problem. The Bikram studio is a microcosm of this phenomenon. The 9:30 class was crowded, but even before everyone started trickling in, I had set up my mat in my coveted corner and someone had placed her mat right next to mine, apparently directly in front of someone. The person behind my neighbor hissed at her, "Can you please move your mat over a few inches? You put your mat right in front of mine!" My neighbor moved a micro-inch towards me and laid down muttering, "I don't need this today." I had to chuckle at this exchange later because the room soon became overflowingly full and everyone was directly in front of everyone else and we were all breathing in each other's auras.

I have another friend in class who insists on at least an arm's length away from the person on either side of her. When it doesn't happen because of classes like the one we had today, she complains loudly about not having enough room. The teacher just laughs at us and tells about her time in teacher training where the room is so crowded that people's mats are touching. Everyone lets out a collective "Ew!" and we continue with class.

Why is it that we don't want to touch our fellow human being? I'm sure the ick factor of having sweaty bodies in the yoga room contributes, but we really have barriers as human beings. Don't get too close, don't touch me, etc, etc. What I love about this class is that it really forces us to break down those barriers, whether we want to or not. The room is only so big, and the more people that come in, the more crowded it's going to be. That's a fact. And we have to accept that we may not be as comfortable or isolated as we'd like to be. But because we all came into this room to achieve a sense of peace and tranquility, we can rely on each other instead of fight one another and move as a group. Positive energy is contagious (I just hope that no one close to me today had the flu!).

This is a picture of teacher training at the Bikram Yoga College of India. Crowded!!

Day Forty-five

2010-02-17T16:01:00.000-05:00

After my tantrum yesterday, today felt as if someone flipped an internal switch from bad mood to good mood in my head. I did oversleep this morning and missed my 9:30 class, but it was all for the best. I had a nice, leisurely morning. I fooled myself into thinking that it was spring outside and thus, began my spring cleaning and made some delicious salads for later. I'm not going to change this weather. I happen to live in the northeast and we have long winters (although I'm surprised my friends from Wisconsin haven't come out here to wring my neck for daring to complain). To be depressed by the weather is a waste of time and no fun. So, from now on, I'm going to do my best to improve my mood through a healthy diet and yoga...natural mood boosters! I may have bad days, but they will only last for a short time. I must remember this and not let it get me down. My friends and my family have been so helpful. I got so many wonderful messages after yesterday's post and a great pep talk from my mom this morning. Thank you all!

One of the things that got me psyched about class today is that I'm starting to entertain ideas about becoming a Bikram instructor one day. It's no secret that I silently worship these people that lead me through class. The training is long and hard and of course, extremely expensive, but my teacher today told me that they do payment plans and it is possible. She just finished her training and shrieked and clapped her hands when I told her about my thoughts. I embraced each posture today with this new hope in my heart of one day helping people though this torture chamber. I also love this noon hour. I'm much more awake and happy. I may have to readjust my schedule to accommodate this.

Day Forty-four

2010-02-16T18:07:00.000-05:00

GRRRRRRR. I don't know what happened today. I woke up in a great mood all excited because I was seeing the screening of Shelter Island with my friend Ryan. It was snowing big, fat, fluffy flakes and I was so excited to get the H out of the Bronx and downtown. Then on my way home I turned into a crabby, creepy, cantankerous human being on the brink of a temper tantrum. I don't wanna go to Bikram! I don't wanna go out in this weather again! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't WANNA! I even had to call my mom to get permission to skip class today and do two tomorrow. But then the though of a double Bikram day really got my ire up and I decided to eff it all and head to class. I thought that my mood was so bad, if I skipped a day of Bikram, I'd really be rotten.

Unfortunately, Bikram class is losing its luster these days. I can't help but feel a little tired of the whole challenge. I feel like my whole day revolves around this 90 minute class, which actually turns into a two and a half hour commitment and it's keeping me from doing other things that I might want to do downtown...not that I really want to do anything downtown. The audition scene is a nightmare, the weather is crummy and I can't afford eating out. I'm just feeling the February blues, I guess...still. I'm feeling a little trapped in this challenge, which still has 16 days left to go on it, and a little rueful that I trumpeted to all of humanity how amazing I was for taking up this challenge. Now I just want it to be over. Sigh. I hope this feeling ends soon.

Day Forty-three

2010-02-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

No matter what kind of mood I am when I wake up, as soon as I get to my Bikram class I can honestly say that my mood changes for the better. Even today, with the room stuffed full of yogis sweating all over each other, I found myself laughing and smiling throughout class. Even today, when the scent of someone's unwashed body filled my corner of the room and I had to sniff myself to make sure it wasn't me, I enjoyed myself. The room was a bit cooler today despite the huge amount of people taking advantage of a day off from work. But because of that, perhaps, I found myself really doing well with some postures that have challenged me in the past. For example, today I was 90 percent in the standing head to knee pose

and other postures such as the wind removing pose

and the fixed firm pose

which usually bother my knees felt great today and I was able to more fully express them.

I am, however, extremely tired of this weather. Today wasn't so bad, but there is something disheartening about putting on six layers to go to class where you sweat out a gallon of sweat and then putting on all six layers back on your damp body. I'm really looking forward to the day when I can waltz out of class with the gentle breeze of a warm spring day refreshing me on my way home from class. But, with snow on the forecast tonight, I don't think that day will come for at least a month or so. Sigh....

Day Forty-two

2010-02-14T14:01:00.000-05:00

I almost gave in and got some Dunkin' Donuts Boston Cremes today. I didn't want to go to class and be among all of the happy go-lucky valentines and I thought if I could bribe myself with promises of sweet confections, I would be okay. However, once I trudged through the icy streets of the Bronx and entered my beloved studio, all was right with the world. It's good to be around people today, even if it is for only 90 minutes and we're all sweating our arses off. My mood instantly shifted to one of good will and I felt myself filled with love and kindness towards my fellow man and woman.

That said, class was difficult today. Although I curbed my craving for sugar and animal fats, I still felt a little light-headed right before we started the floor series. My heart was beating wildly and I was sweating more than usual. However, my balance and focus were right on today. I once again took control of the balancing stick pose that has been troubling me for the past few days.

Today, as well as being the Hallmark holiday known as Valentine's Day, also brings in the Lunar year of the tiger...my year! According to my Chinese horoscope, I am a tiger and hence, this year should bring me much happiness and joy. Let's see what being a tiger represents.
The Tiger is said to be lucky vivid, lively and engaging. Another attribute of the Tiger is his incredible bravery, evidenced in his willingness to engage in battle or his undying courage. Maybe he’s so brave because he is so lucky. But the Chinese say a Tiger having a Tiger in the house is the very best protection against the evils of fire, burglary.
Lucky, eh? We'll see. I think you make your own luck, but it sure doesn't hurt to have astrology on your side!

Day Forty-one

2010-02-13T13:49:00.000-05:00

Class is becoming addictive. I love starting my day with Bikram and how it influences my eating, sleeping and general mood. It's causing me to make some wise decisions and try new things that I had formerly eschewed. I have decided to make my home a vegan zone. I don't want to use this blog to get on a soapbox and tell you why I have decided to do this, but let's just say that I read a book called "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer and just feel like this is the right choice for me. Plus, I have to say that it is much more congruous with my daily yoga activity. My body is adjusting quickly (rapidly, one might say...yikes!) to this new diet, but I must admit that I feel lighter and more efficient in how my body operates, both in and out of the studio.

Today I shook things up and set up my mat on the other side of the studio. Shocking, I know. Even the teacher asked if I was trying to confuse her by switching sides. On the left side of the room, instead of having a row of windows, I have another row of mirrors. Perhaps because of this switch, I felt like I was experiencing class for the first time. It was fun, I was noticing a lot of new things about my postures and body position because I was able to check myself out from new angles and even my focus was sharper. I still had issues with my balancing stick pose, as I did yesterday, but I nailed the standing bow pulling pose.

A friend of mine pointed out today that I'm already two-thirds done. While I can't say that it is flying by, it is getting easier and easier each day to do this class. I often wonder what I will do next. I definitely have an affinity for Bikram yoga now, but I also want to try other forms to see what best resonates with me. If anyone has any suggestions, please share them with me!

Day Forty

2010-02-12T12:55:00.000-05:00

It may have been a foolhardy quest to do the 9:30 class today, but I wanted to get back on my schedule and now that it's done, I'm glad I did. I can't say it was easy though. I was still exhausted from yesterday's double Bikram day, hungry and nursing yet another headache. I was getting concerned about my constant headaches until I remembered that I have not been drinking my coffee. I fixed that little problem with a giant cafe mocha when I got home and now am all better.

I slept a full ten hours last night, yet I still found myself almost dozing off during the floor series savasanas. I guess I was really relaxed. One mantra the teacher keeps repeating during class is maximum exertion to maximum relaxation. It's kind of like the work hard, play hard mentality that many of us subscribe to. I was really luxuriating in these rest periods today. My body had earned them, and I was going to reward myself. I was not as flexible this morning as I have been, but my focus was great. It's so odd how much I change from day to day during this class. A pose that I usually have no problem with, like the balancing stick pose was impossible for me to hold today.

They say this pose gets the heart rate up to the level of running for 30 minutes on the treadmill. I believe it. Even though it's only held for ten seconds on each side, all of the blood rushes to the heart and the heart rate immediately accelerates. It's invigorating.

They say that the poses you hate the most are the ones that you need the most. I will always hate the awkward pose and I know that I need it.

But I'm also starting to love/hate the triangle pose.

I feel like I have the form correct, but it really pinches my hip joint, which is the point, I guess. My mind is always luring me to break the posture early and I have been lucky enough to ignore it thus far. Let's hope I can shut out those negative thoughts for 20 more days.

Days 38 and 39...back to back!

2010-02-11T20:30:00.000-05:00

I have a new four letter word in my life that begins with F and it is Fear. I don't know if I can think of a worse thing than fear. It is at the heart of bigotry, hatred, and is often the reason we humans don't reach our full potential. Fear comes in many disguises; laziness, lethargy, snobbiness, judgement and it often stems from ignorance. We fear what we do not know. I have extolled many virtues of Bikram yoga, but one of the most important things it has taught me is how to overcome Fear. Today I decided to look Fear squarely in the eye and spit. Today I did two Bikram classes back to back.

I have done double Bikram days before, but I put some time in between them so as to fool myself into thinking it was another day. I had heard of people doing back to back Bikram classes and wondered how on earth (and why on earth) someone would do such a thing. But because of the snow day yesterday, I was behind in my day count and I needed to make up a class. Why not give the thing I fear the most a try? What's the worst that could happen? I take a knee? My head spins around? Bring it on.

I almost sabotaged myself before I even got to class. I usually take my class early in the morning so I don't fall into this trap, but lying on the couch waiting for it to become time to head to class invited my mind to try all of the fear-mongering tricks it knew. Come on, no one is going to fault you for missing yesterday...all classes were canceled! Just do one today. Don't you have a headache? You don't want to dehydrate, etc., etc. But I forced myself to get dressed and go. I felt like Homer Simpson, "Shut up, brain."

The room was relatively cool the first class but I immediately started sweating and all of a sudden the headache was pounding away like a congo drum in my head. Just do one class...just do one class. And then a miraculous thing happened. I shut up the thoughts in my head and focused on the class and guess, what? It was...dare I say...easy! After the first class, I bounded up to refill my water bottle and then laid back down to start the second class, which...dare I say...flew by! I was happy. I was calm. I was at peace. And I wasn't afraid. I also got a welcome surprise. My friend the Peacock was the instructor for the second class and he was wonderful. I was eating crow for all of the times I inwardly cheered him taking a knee. He was entertaining, funny and inspiring. What a lesson I learned today. All of my preconceived notions...whoosh...out the door!

Day Thirty-seven

2010-02-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you put something at the forefront of your mind. I am usually so scattered, my energy going every which way and trying to do everything, be everything to everyone. This 60 day challenge is teaching me how to have a razor sharp focus for 90 minutes a day and I'm seeing that bleed into my everyday life. First of all, this challenge has completely shifted my schedule around. Because I have put this challenge as the number one priority each day, I feel the need to get it over with in the morning. The rest of my day becomes incredibly productive, but I'm not leaving my neighborhood. In the past (and even now from time to time) I would have felt guilty for not going downtown and working in the office or tackling some auditions but then I'd feel more like a chicken with its head cut off running from task to task but not really accomplishing anything. For the months of January and February I have given myself one goal and one goal only. Do the Bikram 60 day challenge. And because I'm not trying to be Super Woman and run around town while trying to complete this goal, I am completing this goal.

There's a nagging voice in my head saying that I'm being lazy, only setting one goal for myself. What about auditioning? Why only one goal? Simple. I am retraining myself to be successful. I am not a very good multi-tasker, and if I try to do too much, nothing gets done well. With this challenge, I am proving to myself that I can take on a difficult challenge and accomplish it. One day at a time. Once this challenge is up, I can apply it to the world of auditioning and procuring another job. But meanwhile, I am sharpening myself to become the best person I know I can be. I'm ridding myself of stress in the meantime, and my body is undergoing a major change in appearance. But those are side effects, albeit damn good ones.

They say if you invest in yourself, the universe will invest in you. Imagine the power we have as human beings if we take one goal at a time, but it in the front of our minds and build our lives around it. We can do anything! Anything is possible.

Thirty-six

2010-02-08T12:42:00.000-05:00

Oh, Super Bowl, why must you entice me with your savory dishes to pass and salty treats at your parties? Why must you lead me to believe that it is okay to eat everything offered to me until my belly attempts to shut down? Why, even after a delicious and fulfilling brunch, do you tell me it's all right to sit down and immediately start shoving chips down my throat? Is it the hypnotic pulse of the football game, the smooth, soothing voices of your announcers or the commercials hawking all kinds of delicious temptations?

Surprisingly, even after my gorge fest last night, I did not struggle through Bikram from a gasto-intestinal perspective today, although I could swear I smelled vapors of my friend Brian's delectable sausage balls hovering around me once I started sweating. But I did have an incredibly difficult time concentrating. I just did not want to do the class. I was fine getting to class, but once there, I just wanted to get the damn thing over with. Come on, I had things to do...let's get a move on. I just did not feel like being in any physical discomfort today.

However, once we got to the floor series, I noticed the humor in these feelings. Two of the biggest things that doing this 60 day challenge has taught me is patience and perseverance. You have to be patient with yourself when you're trying to hold a 60 second pose in a 104 degree room. My balance was off today, my knees were killing me. But I still had to move at the same tempo as I do every day even when my balance and knees are cooperating. I also realized that just by being here was great and part of a challenge that is helping me become more focused, even if I'm hating every second of it. Today, even more than the days when I'm having a blast in class, is incredibly important in allowing me to be true to my word, to do something when I say that I will and to be accountable. This class, I'm beginning to see, is a microcosm of my life in general. And since I have committed myself to completing this challenge, I am discovering (or rediscovering) the tools I need to be more focused and accountable in life. Ah, Bikram, you sly fox, you!

Day Thirty-five

2010-02-07T10:49:00.000-05:00

I decided to go to the 8:30 class this morning because I was meeting my friend Ryan for brunch and I didn't want to be rushed. I was going to concentrate on my jaw today. I have been clenching my jaw a lot lately especially during class and I think it's had repercussions outside the room manifesting in headaches and a strange occurrence of sleep apnea this morning. Deb, my acupuncturist gave me a technique to relax my jaw. I put the tip of my tongue behind my top teeth on the roof of my mouth and that automatically causes the jaw to open a bit and thus relax. I tried it during class and found times when I had to crack my jaw because of the tension. But I think I'm making headway.

I had many reasons to clench my jaw today. I found myself very distracted my some of the people in the room. Today we had a pair of hyenas in the back row yuckin' it up before class and regaling each other with tales of last night's conquests. All this while we're trying to meditate before class. I didn't want to say anything or shush them because I didn't want to get shivved after class...this is the Bronx after all. So, instead, I clenched my jaw and then hurriedly put my tongue behind my teeth to immediately relax it. I tried to repeat the mantra, "Don't let anyone steal your peace, don't let anyone steal your peace," but it only worked intermittently. I guess this is just another one of those classes. I felt that my flexibility was not as good as usual and because of my distractions, my balance was not great either. This class is surely teaching me so much about myself. I can't control the actions of others, so even if I deem it rude, why do I let it bother me? I have my own practice to be concerned with.

Day Thirty-four

2010-02-06T17:35:00.000-05:00

Today was tough. Damn tough. Just when I was bragging to friends and family about how Bikram yoga was getting to be a part of my morning routine, that it was as easy as brushing my teeth in the morning, I get hit over the head with today's class. Perhaps it was the frigid, windy temperatures outside conflicting with the very hot, crowded room. Perhaps it was because I was in a different place today. Not by my window in the front right corner in the room but right in front by the teacher. Perhaps I felt I needed to be a leader and put undue pressure on myself.

I made it through though without having to sit down (although the Peacock did!!) and got a red sparkly sticker next to my name on the chart on the wall depicting those of us pursuing the 60 day challenge. Sometimes it's the little things.

I knew that once I got through class, I was treating myself to an acupuncture appointment. Deb was very happy with the way my life has changed for the better. She congratulated me on my challenge and noted that I seemed a lot happier and more centered than when she had seen me last in September. I told her I was full of hope these days and doing my best to keep the stress out of my life. She then began on my body work. I was very tense in my back, especially on my left side (probably from doing all those camels and backbends in class). And my right calf was tight (probably from holding the right knee in place). In fact, my left calf was tight too, so she took care of all that with some needles and a massage. What bliss! I have to remember that in doing this challenge, I also need to pamper myself a bit and reward my body with this amazing relaxation I feel from acupuncture and Deb, in general. So, I made another appointment in two weeks. Bring on the bliss!

Day Thirty-three

2010-02-05T12:38:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's good to switch things up a bit to really re-invigorate your practice. I love the teacher I usually have. She's very calm and nurturing and gives off this forgiving manner almost so you feel you can do no wrong in class. After having her four classes in a row, I felt myself slipping in a nice meditative practice.

Today, everything was shaken up. We had the pep rally teacher who speaks quickly and energetically and challenges us to go beyond the usual structure of the class. I had her two weeks ago and again, she had us flow through all the separate leg standing series poses without breaks for savasana in between. So we went directly from standing separate leg stretching pose

to triangle

to standing separate leg head to knee pose

She also challenged us to hold the fixed firm pose

and the camel pose for longer than normal.

I was so proud of myself for holding the fixed firm pose. As most of you know, my knees are a constant source of misery in this class and the fixed firm pose really focuses on the knees. The Bikram yoga practice operates on the sense of compression and then extension. So, in a pose like the fixed firm pose, you are cutting off the blood supply to your knees and ankles. Once the posture is through and you're laying back in savasana, the freshly oxygenated blood rushes back into these areas flushing them out of any toxins and the like. So, it's really good for you knees but it can hurt like hell. I felt my legs turning numb while I held the posture, but then when I laid back down it was as if the heavens opened up and the angels were singing. It felt so good.

During the savasanas, while most teachers stay quiet, the pep rally teacher was sharing with us a lot of trivia about football players who take Bikram yoga. She told us a story of several New York Giants players who crowded into a Bikram room with two little 115 pound girls teaching. After the introductory breathing exercise, half the room had to sit down and take a knee. They couldn't handle it. But after implementing the yoga into their practice regime, they found that they were more flexible during the game, their bodies responded quicker when they were tackled and their focus was razor sharp. I guess this is macho yoga.

Day Thirty-two

2010-02-04T13:17:00.000-05:00

I have a new love and its name is spearmint epsom salts. Now, before you start sending me info on becoming a member of AARP, hear me out. Today I had the worst headache but went to class hoping that the magical Bikram would cure it, or at least help flush out whatever toxins were causing the headache. I had a good, strong class but the headache got worse during the second half of the class when we were doing a lot of inversions and all the blood rushed to my head. There were times when I almost felt like I needed to cry because the pressure was so intense, but instead I concentrated on my breathing and tried to will myself to relax. Savasana was the most difficult because then I could really feel my head pounding.

I really want to complain now so I will. My neck is stiff, I have a stitch in my lower left back and of course, the headache. Poor me. Wah wah. But along with this 60 day Bikram challenge I am also trying to limit my intake of medicines like ibuprofen that I usually beeline for whenever I had this problem in the past. Then I discovered the glory of the spearmint epsom salts. I transformed my bathroom into a mini-spa and the vapors from the salts went straight up my nose and seemed to clear out all the crap that was causing me to be in pain. So, Bikram, you may be my first love, but Mr. Spearmint Espom Salts is giving you a run for your money on making me feel good.